Piecing - Round 1

[Denver_2010]

Hahaha... I totally missed the posts from SBH and Angel ... whoops

"The thing from the other night that SBH was referencing really was nothing. Insecurity on my part that was unwarranted, albeit normal after what I've been through, given the actual circumstances."


Denver, it's not "nothing". Your insecurity is not unfounded. This is where I fear that healing can not take place.

In a normal situation, where there was no infidelity, I would agree that the incident was "nothing".

But here is what I see as the ground floor honest and harsh reality.

She's not getting it. And you're in denial.

Nah SBH, it really is nothing. There was a time, when I was younger and before I knew my W, that I had a big time jealous streak. For no reason really. I had to get that under control because of some problems that it caused in prior relationships (before W). So with W, I was the complete opposite. Even when I felt that jealous streak, I had learned to totally suppress it. This was more in line with that part of me than it was having anything to do with what happened with OM.

Actually, what happened with OM has taught me to awaken a bit of that jealous part of me... to the extent that I need to be aware of what is going on around me. In other words, I need to take care of being a decent H and being aware of who is around our lives... from both of our ends.

I don't worry about W meeting some guy and having some sort of one night affair. I don't worry about that at all, in fact. I worry about our lives becoming unhappy again and what either of us might do if that were to happen. So my focus is on making sure that we are doing the right things to stay happy... to stay connected. I think that there's a book that reminds me of what I am trying to say... affair proof my M.



Why?

Because right now, at this stage of the game, she needs to have a HIGHTENED sense of your needs. If she is talking to a man in your presence then she needs to do SOMETHING to SHOW you that YOU are the only man for her. Something small.

How would you have felt if she DID....

* Grab your hand?
* Give you a loving smile?
* Send a fast "I love you" text in the moment?
* Introduced you into the convo?

Would that have relieved your jealousy? I bet you would have felt like a million dollars.


I'm not asking for mushy gushy hanging all over you. I'm saying a simple gesture of acknowledgement that says... "I'm talking to him but it's you I love."

She actually did do something that made me know that she was aware. She put her hand on my arm as she was talking to the guy. And I had been introduced to the guy earlier. Had talked with him a bit in fact. It was just that her conversation was about being a musical performer... how he had gotten to where he is... and where W was with her career. It was kind of a musician to musician thing. And it only lasted maybe 3 minutes. I am almost embarrassed to say that I got jealous about it to be honest SBH.

I do get your point SBH. In some ways I agree. But my experience has been similar to Angel's. My W has gone above and beyond what I've asked of her as far as transparency goes. In fact, I never really demanded any of it.

Either way, I have no concerns about that aspect of things. OM is out of the picture, W has totally committed to the M, she took the initiative to resize her wedding ring and put it back on, she is doing things for me like she used to, ie, putting tons of effort and time into throwing me a 40th birthday party. BTW, she's throwing me a Boardwalk Empire/roaring 20's party with piano player coming in to play so she can sing some, a DJ/Karoke guy... I'm psyched because it should be a blast.

But I digress. My point is that instances such as the one that I mentioned are few and far between. And I think that what Angel said is true. We have to learn how we control our reactions to things. Ultimately, I can't control my W, or anyone else for that matter. There is no point in being with someone if you can't trust them. Sure, there is a risk to putting trust in anyone. Especially with someone who has broken that trust before. But, IMO, that risk is the same with ANYONE that you will ever be with. We can start over with someone new, but who is to say that that person won't violate your trust someday? There are no guarantees with anything in life. For me, I will take the bet on my W and I and what we have learned from this experience, over something brand new with someone that I don't have this life experience with. That's just my opinion on the subject.