Moving the blanket away from the castle

[bustingout]

Thank you Nick, MK, Ruby afa and Tori! Lots of love to you all ((((((( ))))))))
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Journal

Steady past couple of days. Have had my own problems with dealing with anger re: the kids, that I realized I need to address, just like I have to do with all of my Rs.

As usual H has been here daily. Nice for kids and the family as a whole. I maintain my space and detachment while he around. Engage occasionally, mostly for the kids and sometimes with a funny comment or story. But 90% is the kids.

I am in his periphery vision only...I am rarely acknowledged, and if I am it is ‘ask mummy...xyz”. This is when I am sitting in the same room with him and the kids.


When he gets on the phone I can hear him say ‘yes I am with the kids…having dinner with the kids…etc’ I am just some random person who happens to be in the room apparently. Lol .

Had a weird morning. I brought it on myself. Brief backstory. I am leaving tomorrow for the weekend to Dubai for some drs appointments (nothing serious, but have some check ups that I need and drs here were unable to assist), so H is staying here with the kids while I am away.

I used to love going to Dubai because H and I and kids used to go a lot for holiday. But the last time I was there in June with the kids, H came and he had OW with him (she never was with us, but it sucked knowing she was there. Also, he spent his 40th there with her a few weeks ago).

He moves in tomorrow when I leave.

So this morning I needed to ask about some logistics for the weekend (basically if he was ok to stay another day with the kids as I had an additional appointment I was hoping to make), so I sent a text if he could give me a call. No response. Fine. About three hours later I called. No answer. Fine.

In my head…the whole time I kept thinking ‘he is with OW and that is why he is not responding.’

I was busy at work, so could engage easily in thought-stopping.

An hour later I texted saying the kids’ after school plans had changed as he had asked in the morning about them. I got an immediate response.

Anyway, when he responded about the kids, I responded back saying ‘oh you are alive lol, if you are able to chat now could you call?’

He finally did (by this time for me personally it was too late to make the extra appointment I was hoping to make, so it actually didn’t matter at that point).

Anyway, I told him and said its fine, can be done another time, nothing urgent. Then I stopped and said are you ok? He said yeah why? I said your voice. (his voice was weird). And he said, yeah…I just had a sh!tty day. I said I am sorry to hear that. And I told him, there was no need for this phone call anyway anymore, no worries, take care of what you need to do, see you later. I also did say if he needs to talk I am here. He said he knows. I made a joke ha ha and we hung up.

When I got home from work, he was here already and we had some chit chat with the kids.

We did some more logistic talks for the weekend, and I thanked him. We had a beer while we watched a movie with the kids.

Dinner, bedtime (dinner talk focused on kids, bedtime I leave him to put the kids to bed mostly as they are still so excited to have him around). And then the ‘end of the night’. He says bye and leaves. It [censored]. But it’s the reality. We are good in the afternoon and then reality comes by 8 pm. It is what it is.

So, while I am away I have also booked a hair appointment, massage, and will do some shopping. Looking forward but will miss my babies. I don’t like being away from them, yet I also am glad they will have alone time with H. Other than that? I wish everyone a great holiday weekend.


((((((((( )))))))))