Regretful, I found the 'coffee beans' just a few minutes ago in H's study. Not surprisingly, it's an empty tub of ice-cream from our corner shop that he's wedged under his desk.
That's a good one. Reminds me of my 9-y-o wedging packets of gum behind his pillow. I have never seen my H go to those kinds of extremes, but to be fair, we do keep a lot of candy in the house because i have a sweet tooth too, so there's always something around. As Melissa said, maybe you should start doing that (or having something in the house) so he doesn't have to sneak.
Sometimes I try to take this "it's for your own health" tactic with him, but I'm afraid that nagging only makes it worse.
Here's something interesting. H goes to a parenting group and the facilitator told him yesterday to let S just have a packet of gum (he's been sneaking). Once he has the control he should stop sneaking it and should learn to control his impulses around that. Perhaps this is true for your H too.
I agree that nagging will only make his sneaking worse... cutting back has to be his choice.
I like the idea of stocking up on ice cream at home. The real stuff so he can't turn his nose up at it, and he no longer has to sneak to get it. And I mean REALLY stock up. Kinda like when you catch your kid smoking and make 'em smoke a whole pack 'till they're sick of it.
Don't monitor or mention anything about his intake, cut him loose! Do this and he WILL at least stop the sneaking.
The lower fat versions can be worked in once things are under control if you find ones he likes.
More importantly, don't forget that your first goal here is to improve the marriage. Helping him correct his eating disorders can always come later.
Is any particular action bringing you closer together or driving you apart?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
