About SS - why don't you just both provide both ways? You be the toughie, she gives him touchy-feely stuff. We all need both. Not just at the same time....thats how we are with our D. I notice when I am being the toughie, my H gets all touchy feely with her, then vice versa.
But we still both uphold the rules. Like if she's wrong, she's wrong for both of us, but whereas I would yell at her, H would sometimes just approach her nicely and talk to her with some topics, then say "Hey, I know you upset Mom today. You know, you really have to.....etc. etc. " I do that to when H is the one all yelling and upset at D (the other scenario is more likely though, as I am the tough love kind of person actually).
I'm working on that though. One of the reasons our sitch started was because of my tough love for H in the past ....my attitude used to be shape up or else.....I got the "or else" in the end....DB has taught me differently and now I use that with my D as well, and it works. have to learn how to use it with my parents
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
