Welcome to catch-22

[LITB]

I hope you have thick skin, because I’m calling you out on your BS.

But more than doing things it was my attitude about it. Zilch for the baby, all my talk was: I have a match coming up, and oh I want a new shotgun, and I'm gonna buy this new paraglider and have you seen this harpoon.. etc..

She also mentioned finances in her bomb email, but it's never been a problem. What she meant was I spent the money for my fun when she probably wanted me to put the money in an Education Savings account.. for the baby...

Finances were not a problem from YOUR perspective. Evidently it was a huge problem from HER perspective.

Did you have discussions about finances during your M? How can you be sure that it wasn’t problem to her?

I have addressed these two issues by reaffirming that I was family minded, and of course, not showing her too many activities I'm doing ( I mentioned a couple though).
And by saying I want to open an account for our son.

You are trying to talk your way out of a situation that you acted your way into. Show her your changes. Talk is cheap. I don’t know you and I don’t buy what you are trying to sell.

What makes you think that she would want to come back to something that she got tired of dealing with? She didn’t make a spur of the moment decision to break up her family. Dealing with a selfish spouse gets old. Yes, I just called you selfish. It is unattractive and tiresome.

Now, I appreciate all the advice saying I have to be patient, but in comparison to the offence, the punishment is too heavy. We've been apart for 6 months in two continents, then she threw the email bomb, I arrived in the country right after (remember I'm French) and we've been separated for 5 months!

Her being mad and wanting D is not proportional to my "misbehaviour". I asked for forgiveness, which she says she has granted, and I changed my ways, but then, what else is she waiting for for Pete's sake?

Bruce, get over yourself. Keep believing what you want. You are no different than most of us on this board.

Until you step away from your perspective and try to see things from her perspective, this 6 months will look like nothing in comparison down the road.

So, I'm not a family man? Fine, I filed for custody. Now I'm gonna have the toddler 50% of the time, and we'll see who's the family man.

Did you do your part as a father before this? This is what WAW think, “Why did it have to get to this for him to step up?”

And I'm bad at finances? Fair enough, I'm gonna put 2000$ a month in that stupid Education account, until the account tops up if that's what she wants!

Really? Stupid education account? If you think that your activities are more important than your son’s education, you need to adjust your priority compass or get a new one altogether. Your priorities obviously do not align with your W’s priorities.

Bruce, your W asked for a D, because you weren’t there for her. She didn’t sign up for a part-time H and part-time father. I am pretty sure she isn’t going to come running back without seeing consistent changes in you for an extended period of time.

Don’t make changes as a tactic. They have to be real, otherwise you are wasting your time. By the way, the reason your W must see consistent changes is because she fears that you haven’t changed at all.

A marriage is not about giving 50/50. It is about giving 100/100. I learned that the hard way. Give your 100%.