Dealing with the reality of separation

[Denver_2010]

Well, that was the bomb I was kind of expecting. W told me that she wants to move things forward and get a D. She was crying on the phone. I was not, but I could definitely go cry somewhere right now. I am happy that I was prepared for it though. I guess this is God's plan for me.

I'm sorry to hear this fuan. I really am. You were ready for it though. And it sounds like you handled the conversation well.

You did not tell us what you said in response though.

What do you want to do now?

[PeteWyo]

I don't think I have any options at this point. If she thinks this what she wants then who am I to stand in the way. I really do hope she finds her happiness, I don't know if she will find it, but I have to think about me too. I know I don't have to rush, but she is moving things along quickly, I know that as long as OM is there, nothing will change. And he isn't going anywhere. He lied to his fiancee for 7 years. In particular with a friend's husband for almost the last 6 months of their R. So he will undoubtedly do the same to her, but I can't wait 7 years. I was apparently too controlling by encouraging her to do the things she wanted and saving for retirement, I know now that I can't control her decisions. If this is what she wants, I have to honor that I think.

[PeteWyo]

My response BTW was to tell her our options and how we could move forward.

[Denver_2010]

You don't have any options? Is D what you want?

[PeteWyo]

Of course not, but what can I do? She does.

[Denver_2010]

Continue doing what you are doing. You don't have to help her divorce you. I'm not telling you NOT to cooperate, but I am telling you not to help accomplish something that you don't want.

[Denver_2010]

I just posted this for Roughenough. I may as well paste it to your thread too. You might find it applicable to your current situation as well:

"W, I've told you before that I still love u and still think that we an have a great life together as both a couple and a family. I have not changed my mind on that. But I understand that you are not happy, that u don't feel happy or complete inside. U need to do what will make u happy. By my side, we can be partners and will share everything and we would do anything to help one another. But that's only if we continue as a team. but I won't stand in your way, but also won't help u leave this marriage or our family. I hope that u do find happiness u r looking for. go do what u need to do. You know where I will be."

[PeteWyo]

I guess it can't hurt. I just don't want her to have to pay to go through a lawyer and god knows what a lawyer will tell her to do. If this is going to end, I'd like to end it honorably. I hate that I am thinking that way but I am unsure of what to do at this point.

[Denver_2010]

Take some time to figure it out. Don't let her rush you into anything that you are not ready to do.

[PeteWyo]

I will never figure this one out unfortunately. I mean, I stopped trying to understand it. I mean listen, I get some of why she was unhappy, and I agree that there are things that I needed to work on, but no relationship is perfect. I mean I have come to accept it but I just feel like I will never have a clear idea of why this is happening. If we were fighting all the time or I cheated on her or I knocked her around I would get it. But we literally went from holding hand and kissing to, I want a divorce. And aside from her friends telling me some things, she still has not told me what this is all about. So I stopped trying to understand it. I know OM has a lot to do with it. But I don't believe for a second that me waiting around and torturing myself trying to figure out why this is happening is going to change anything. It seems that for whatever reason, she has made this decision. So I guess I am as ready as I will ever be.