Piecing - Round 1

[Denver_2010]

Denver,
I have a question. What you're going through is exactly what I couldn't get over.

"I have to admit that I had some jealousy hit me when W was talking to this guy. I got a little irritated and W asked about it later. She asked if I thought that the guy was hitting on her. I told her that he probably was, but that he wasn't doing anything blatantly inappropriate. She was a little irritated with me and told me that I have to understand that music is her business and that she needs to try to make connections. That I have to trust HER... that it doesn't matter if I trust the person who she is talking to."


Always looking over your shoulder. Always wondering what shes thinking. Always slightly insecure about who she wants.


Can you really fully get over it? I ask with the utmost respect because I could not.


And I disagree. You don't HAVE to trust her. She needs to make you feel secure and earn your trust every day. How? She could have called you over and invite you into her conversation. Grab your hand or caress your arm while shes talking to him. Or a simple loving smile from across the room letting you know shes thinking of you.

This is not water under the bridge. She has work to do. VERY HARD WORK. And she needs to be diligent. I don't believe it will work if she continues to EXPECT you to trust her.

Good luck all and Happy Thanksgiving.

It will be my first holiday alone with the kids and I'm excited about it.

FTR, Denver, I agree with this. ^^^ All of it.

You BOTH (you and your wife) have work to do to demonstrate that you are trustworthy, in those area(s) of your marriage where you were UNtrustworthy, prior. For your wife, suggestions like the ones that SBH gives above are appropriate and necessary. For you, it will be a different list.

Yes, "Love is a decision," but it's a decision that KEEPS on "deciding" if two people want to reconcile a marriage that has been deeply wounded.


Starsky

Agreed. And the deeper that I get into 'piecing', the more that I get that. But as I've detailed in past posts, W really is doing what she needs to be doing to work through this. She has been more transparent than I have even asked or demanded. The thing from the other night that SBH was referencing really was nothing. Insecurity on my part that was unwarranted, albeit normal after what I've been through, given the actual circumstances. I can't allow myself to get worked up every time that she has a conversation with another man. And that is all that happened. But like I said, I wasn't feeling well, so I think that I was just a bit out of whack all around.

Otherwise, things are pretty status quo. W and I are still doing really well. Our biggest struggle has been agreeing on how SS should be disciplined. I prefer a stronger, tougher approach, W is more in line with the touchy feely approach. He isn't doing well in school and has had some bouts of defiance over the past couple of weeks. Normal for him in the sense that he usually gets like that for a spell after having a visit with his dad... which, coincidentally, he had two weeks ago.