Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[leopoldstotch]

Yesterday W said she was going out after work with an old friend from highschool that was in town for Thanksgiving. She said she wouldn’t be out too late. Again, she came home late… 11:30 this time.

When she got home it was clear that she had plenty to drink. She wasn’t falling over drunk, but was in that alcohol induced happy place. She got into bed and once she realized I had woke she wanted to tell me all about her night and what bars they went to. She told me about some of the conversations they had. I tried to engage the best I could, but having been asleep for 1.5 hours, I was struggling to be a good conversationalist. She seemed to have had a great time and really wanted to share it with me. At the end of the conversation she said with a chipper tone, “I love you, SomeGuy.” I replied, “Love you too.” She rolled over and went to sleep.

SG she could have just as easily came home slept on the couch or crawled into bed without saying a word to you and you got an I Love You!

This morning was a series of bad communication. It seemed no matter what I said, she took it the wrong way. I had the best of intentions but everything came across wrong.

I agree with labug your W was probably hung over. Don't let her misinterpretations get to you. Shrug it off and move on.

I think it was my resentment that caused the poor communication. I woke up bitter, angry, and lonely. I long for the days when there was someone that cared to hear about MY day. She’ll ask, “How’s it going?” or “How was your day?” occasionally. But it seems to just be a formality. She doesn’t actively listen when I respond.

That's because at this time it's all about her. Remember SHE is the WAS. Put aside those feelings the best you can and don't let her see them. Your focus is to be a man only a fool would leave. If it's just a formality as you say, then all you have to do is simple answers you don't have to go into a dissertation about your day. There will come a time when she will actively listen.

I mentioned in passing, “I have plans tonight at 7:00.”
She responded, “Sounds good. What are you going to do?”
I replied, “Going out.”
She responded with frustration, “oooooohhhh kaaaaay. You drive me nuts.”

I know I’m supposed to create some mystery. But every time I go out or do anything she asks what I have planned or where I’ve been. She gets annoyed if I don’t divulge the details. Do you all think I should be more forthcoming in the details of my plans?

Does your W divulge all the details as to her plans? It sounds to me like she does and if that is the case then I think you should do the same. If she doesn't then I wouldn't always tell her the details and if she doesn't like it well that's for her to deal with. Yes you should be creating a little mystery about yourself. Not answering her phones calls as soon as you see it's her and the same goes for texts. Out of the blue just go out for a drive at night for a little while by yourself. I'd bet she would ask where you are going and she would wonder what you are doing. Be spontaneous because I think you are so locked into a routine she could set her watch by you. I know you like your sleep but go out during the week like she does it will probably shock her. She will be thinking what's going on with him? I've often wondered if some of the things that Michelle suggests we do in the book to create mystery about ourselves is not only to show our S that we are fine without them which can make them have doubts about their feelings but also to make them think that they could be losing us to someone else. That thought could be a byproduct of us acting as if life is moving on.