I spent it with S and the boys. They got me an iPad. Very cool. This new chapter of my life has been so enriched and fulfilling I can't help but reflect on the prior decade and how lost I was for most of it.
It is like I finally have awakened. I see clearly how lost I was and how unhealthy my choices were.
How my crisis started with my first divorce and how that sent me into a ten year process of denial and avoidance.
It was very destructive financially, health wise, spiritually and emotionally.
Does this sound familiar?
It was the reason I came here trying to save my second marriage that was the product of my crisis.
I went back and read through the stages of crisis and can now recognize myself as I went through them. Never was I aware of it during.
I have spent the last year with such regret and shame for my choices it really kept me from moving forward for a while.
ACCEPTANCE
I know several of you who know me well probably saw this as you learned the details of my life but you know you can't tell someone this.
It is lucky I suppose that the only consequence or victim was a failed M to another person in crisis who I pray can find her way quicker than I did.
No children involved. I was really the biggest victim and for that I have to forgive myself.
I would like to explore this and share... As I now see... How lost I was during. And there seems to be complete holes in my life that I have very little memory of.
It may be time for a new thread.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
I'm glad you are finally seeing the light. I'm only sorry that things didn't turn out the way you had hoped w/your marriage.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think a lot of us if we are trueful with ourselves could point to times in our lives where we turned into an alien ourselves, went through life as a mindless drone and had those times we look back and can't remember.
It sounds like you are very blessed to me to learn things that many probably arent willing too or it is too painful of a process to accept.
I am so happy to hear of your acceptance of yourself. It allows you to accept others into your living journey. You now have a gift that hopefully other people around you will be drawn too. You can became a living teacher if you will.
One thing I try to do everyday is look at the sky many, many times a day. It keeps me in the present, living the answers as I go along and not getting trapped in the past or longing for the future.
Its a pleasure to read, your journey to a whole, balanced human being.
Thanks for sharing your continuing journey with us.
How my crisis started with my first divorce and how that sent me into a ten year process of denial and avoidance.
It was very destructive financially, health wise, spiritually and emotionally.
I have spent the last year with such regret and shame for my choices it really kept me from moving forward for a while.
So I have to ask TG - any value in apologies or such to the ex? Or is that not possible with her?
Glad you found peace, my friend. I truly am.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hiya True! (I have a new name here) I admire your introspection and your willingness to let others hear of your journey.
I know you know not to beat yourself up about the past. I am sure that your intentions were never to hurt anyone. You have to really accept that had you known better, you would have done better.
As we have learned to forgive our spouses in crisis, so you must forgive yourself.
I am so glad that this next chapter of your life is proving so fulfilling.
Learn from the past, but, dont get mired in it, ya know?
To be honest, I'm asking about healing for TG. I suspect it isn't really over until amends have been made. Or at least attempted with no expectation of forgiveness. I could be wrong, but I would guess it would bring closure to TG.
I don't recall the events around #1, but that was the trigger if I understand this correctly.
Strictly about healing for TG though. Maybe its not needed for the healing...
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Aj, I'm not sure if your post was a reply to mine or Cadet's.
I am not sure if an apology is needed in order for one to heal or for closure as that is not always possible and one can still move forward.
But, knowing True, if an apology was possible, he would extend one.
I think there are all different ways to heal. Most importantly we need to forgive our spouses and ex-spouses.And we need to believe that we do the best we can and we are ok. And it is what we learn from our experiences and how we bring that forward that matters.
