Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

Thank you very much Tori, Melissa and Regretful for your posts.

Like you, Tori, I don't really rate IC and MC. I have however been thrilled with the DB sessions I've had. I try to space them out. I don't think IC helps H other than making him feeling vindicated about his hostility towards me. I think he paints such a biased and horrible picture of me that he then has them on side. After a while, he realises he's backed himself into a corner and stops the IC. I think the IC gets fed up with him too since he doesn't leave me. With MC, H always feels that he's on the receiving end of someone having a go at him. I have no temptation to go back there with H.

Melissa, I think H knows he's crap with money. Eight years ago (during his A with OW), he told me that he was turning over a new leaf financially and that I was going to really like the new H. At the time, that seemed so weird because he wanted to be with OW anyway. Needless to say, I have yet to see the new financially-responsible H! I guess H is also trying to self-soothe. How do you deal with your D12?

Regretful, I found the 'coffee beans' just a few minutes ago in H's study. Not surprisingly, it's an empty tub of ice-cream from our corner shop that he's wedged under his desk. I wasn't snooping but I was making space for a heating engineer (another expensive problem) to look at the boiler which is in H's study. I'm so tempted to mention it to him and say that I'd rather he had a dessert when we're out. I think he treats himself to a secret sweet when we've been to a restaurant for dinner and he feels he's missed out on dessert. So he gets himself a 'secret' dessert when we get home. I really hate it. I also hate how he couples the secret eating with declarations about how hard it is for him to shift his weight.

Next time he does, I'll be so tempted to mention the ice-cream. Please advise. He loves telling me about his 'compliant' meals. Last night, he had us guess what he'd had for lunch. It turns out it was tuna salad. Big deal. It seems so sneaky and weak. His study is packed full of junk. Even that puts me off him. I'm pretty minimalist.

I'm not doing too well on my list of positives right now! He's off to Belgium for work tomorrow so I'll have a little break from him until Friday.

Meanwhile, he doesn't think the moustache party is my thing--too boozy--and that he would have more fun there without me. I'm tempted to say to him to go and have fun. It wouldn't do our R much good for him to feel that I'm cramping his style. Since I don't drink at all, my very presence is a style-cramper for him. Selfishly, I'd rather not have to go. I could be home catching up on this board.

I look forward to feedback about the ice-cream issue. I have just thrown the tub in the bin.