Put your hands up; it's a wild ride

[someguy1233]

Now the way I see it is your W is temp checking. Seems she asks you quite a bit about how you are handling all this. I could be wrong but I'm sensing that she could be thinking she's losing you. If she asks you again about how things would work if you split you should be matter of fact. Now I don't know your state laws but if it were me I would I would tell her that since she wants to split you would take the house you would do what it takes to keep or if she wouldn't agree to that then say well we would sell it and get our own places. She's probably will try to tell to that you are putting your children out on the street or something to that effect all in order to guilt you into giving her the house. I know this because my W tried that on me last year and I refused to move based on her wanting to end our M. She even wanted me to help her pay for bills house her truck payment if I would have given her what she wanted. Plus shes entitled to a big chunk of my retirement. I said no lets be realistic here I would pay for my youngest S 15 and that's all because I would need a place to live and my obligation to you would be over. In PA we don't have alimony and my W has a full time job and makes good money. I also reminded her that she would have to get her own insurance but I would keep our sons on my insurance. It was a calm normal conversation but I was able to see that she was trying to get eveything she wanted. Imagine SG me giving her the house paying for my son (that I have no problem with he's my son) helping her pay for mortgage truck payment utilities. She asked me how she was supposed to afford all that. I told her she would have to figure that out just like I would because I would be starting all over again. She was really mad at me by the time we were finished the discussion but I was just being realistic about everything. So if your W brings that up again that is how can handle it. Of course I don't know how your state handles alimony or spousal support. Just present her the facts.

Neither of us could comfortably afford the house on our own. If we split, it will be sold. We both make about about the same so alimony isn't much of an issue.

I guess I'm afraid to talk about what I think things could be like if we split. I want her to do that hard work. She can come up with the ideas and a plan. Maybe I'm being shortsighted, but I don't see the advantage of helping her figure out how to split.

I noticed she told you she thinks she's depressed and that she is thinking of see someone about it. Depression is a very serious problem but you cannot pressure her to see someone about. Just tell her you think its a good idea.

Agreed. I so badly wish she'd take some action and go see someone. She's admitted to me that she drinks because it makes her feel better in that moment. She needs to find a way to get past that.

Keep doing what you are doing. No R talk unless she brings it up. Talk to her when she wants since she told you she doesn't like you being quiet. You have a great opportunity here your W seems to be very open with you which most of here would die for. Dont give up bud I really think you can draw her back to you. Hang in there and dont sweat the small stuff.

That's true, Leo. She is at least somewhat open. I know she has her secrets (possible OM). But she does what to have occasional conversations with me, so perhaps that's a good thing.