It has been a while. I have been busy with life. I am still seeing the woman from the last few posts.
It is has been amazing. Not without its challenges but even that has been ways for us to grow together.
I have met the boys and am now to the point where we spend a good deal of time togther.
I am going hunting with them tomorrow with their grandfather whom I have known for over 20 years. We have gone a couple of times already together but this is the first without mom.
Very cool.
I have some things to share about setting all this up with her ex and his reaction which I think was important.
I recognized a while ago when talking to a divorced friend of mine who was b!tching about his exW's choice in boyfriends that ended up around his kids and I saw the pain in his eyes.
I realized at that moment that I not only had a responsibility to the boys and their mom, but also to their father.
I also recognize that although he is not an ideal father (if one exists) and does not make choices that I would make, he is their father and their only father and that is important.
As S (my girfriend) and I moved down the road and I was spending time around the boys, I told her I wanted to talk to her ex. Because of the length of my friendship with S (over 17 years) I know her ex. Not very well and I can't say we would ever be friends, but I know him.
She and I met him for a drink and told him this:
S and I have been seeing eachother long enough that we have decided that we want a committed relationship. In committing to her I realize I am also committing to the boys.
I want you to know I take that responsibility very seriously. You are their father and their only father. I will never subordinate your role as their father and I will honor it.
I will be mindful to never be an obstacle to you and S being mom and dad to the boys. They are the top of the pyramind in my mind.
I will do my best to be a positive role in the lives of the boys
He thanked me and said that he really respected me for having the guts to have that conversation. He said he wished other parents of divorce could have this discussion.
Those were words and the actions mean more.
S and I invited him to spend Holloween since she had the boys and he came. This would never have happened before for a number of reasons. But it did. And it was really cool.
The boys were excited their Dad was there and the younger one walked around with the 3 of us and he would bring me Butterfingers when he got them as he knew I liked them.
The man I was when I first came here would never have had the tools or the courage to be the man I am today.
My life has been enriched by my ability to live like the man I aspire to be.
Making those choices, sometimes very difficult ones, have made the difference for me...
Living through the particular part of my journey as you all were witness to here was a catalyst in my life.
So I am here reporting so you may share this with me, as you have shared of yourselves along the way.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
