It's None of my Business

[BeingMe]

Thanks Snodderly for your usual good insights. Whenever I read your posts, I always feel better, if I'm feeling down (which is seldom, these days). Got one essay to finish. My Astronomy presentation was set for tomorrow, but our uni is on strike for the next 2 days, at least. Oh well! My one issue is getting three people (1 girl/2 boys) to act out part of my movie script. The scriptwriting course has a section for producing part of one's script - ya get extra marks if you do it, so I'm motivated.

Mirage - I hear you re MLC. I've been traveling this track as a passenger for more than 7 years. But, I have a lawyer now, and have jumped tracks, as it were. My H doesn't know what he wants. He rewrites history, then says I forget (using my illness as an excuse ... I do forget words constantly), when I know he hasn't told me whatever. It's kinda getting worse. I think my being proactive with getting a D has left him unsure, and having to actually DO something. I think he was content to coast along as a so-called separated man (not officially). No matter what, though, I am determined to get divorced. I feel inside me that I'm done. Too much water under the bridge. He's left things way too late. I really tried to understand, and wait out the probable MLC, but it's been too much. I just can't do this anymore, and I think he knows it. It's not just the MLC, it's also being left alone for weeks on end. This traveling for his job started after I got cancer, so it was not a good thing for me. Thank goodness for my two kids who were at home at that time, and for my studies which kept me focused on something else.

I've come to the conclusion that no two MLCer is alike. Some leave and quickly move on, while others cling in one form or another to their spouses (especially if there are children still around). I think my H took advantage of my kindness, and love. He has pulled the wool over my eyes so many times. Now, I barely believe anything he says, even though I so much want to. I always double check him now. If he says the sky is blue, then I check ... you never know, it might be red. I passed the angry stage a long time ago. I am merely disappointed that things turned out this way. He's going to have to let me go.

I am slowly getting the ol' me back. I laugh more openly now, am loving life, can actually crack a joke once in a while. My writing and poetry is lighter and funnier. I don't look forward to his coming home anymore. He is too much of a downer. He chose his life, yet constantly complains about it. I followed him, supported him in his career, but nothing makes him happy or satisfied. So, I have to cut myself loose. Not to say I'm perfect ... I do remember my anger from the past (which he is constantly reminding me about, oh and also my jealousy ... for pete's sake, he wasn't a very loyal H, I had every reason to be suspicious). But, it's in the past, and only the present counts now.