First of all, YOU ARE NOT GARBAGE!! You're homework is to work on your self esteem. I suggest you do that quickly because your H's problem will and has done a number on you.

I have had only one OW. I don't need anymore but can only imagine what it must be like to have to go through all this more than once.

I hope you find yourself in all this. As MnSPD (aka Steve) asked you what are your goals?

M 42 H 39
T10 (-2yrs separation)
S8 D5
DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA)
Reconciled 6/2013
Separation in works 1/2017