WAS vs. LBS

[AJM]

Doing quite well? At what?

You described the person as "deranged." In that case, I think I'm doing quite well, thank you.

I do like the Monster Inc reference. Love those movies.

Smart is not the same as wisdom, if that helps.

My point about perspective doesn't seem to help. I get that, but for the sake of argument, one more attempt if you will indulge me. Perhaps it will offer something to you. If not, no worries.

A definition of perspective is "the state of one's ideas" which can mean a lot of things if you want to argue it. I don't, but I can see how it could be. Perspective is really about how you interpret what you view in this case. For example, if your view of a rough patch of ground is that it is dirty and grimy, your perspective might be that it is worthless and dirty. You expected to find dirt and grime, and you did and deemed it useless. You gave it away. Somebody else may come along and see that same patch of ground and see diamonds. They took the diamonds.

You both saw the same patch of dirt. You saw dirt and grime. They saw beauty and potential.

A diamond in the rough so to speak.

The irony is that you were, at one time, both those people looking at the same patch of ground.

In your posts, you list reasons why you see it as a worthless patch of dirt that won't amount to anything. You didn't harvest the diamonds, so they are still there. But your perspective of your view seems to have changed and while you don't want to let go of the patch of dirt altogether, you "see" no value in it. You said that somebody else might because it is worthless to you (now). You have lived with that too long and can't take that anymore. It's time to cut your losses and move on.

What I'm trying to say is that I don't understand your perspective. I'm guessing I won't because I have a different perspective (I don't live your life, so it's easier right?) I don't see an elephant or a dog. I don't see it as you "having to put up with" the elephant's behavior or try to change it. I see it as your perspective having changed. Once you saw a dog but now see an elephant. I don't know why that is or what it is you can do about it, but it strikes me as a perspective shift more than an epiphany.

I've been around in this life long enough to know that views change. Perspectives change. People change. We're not static, and because of that experience, I don't see how you can say your H will NEVER change. Your logic is flawed because he is not a robot. Therefore he is not static. If he is not static, he is dynamic. And flawed. Always has been. Just like you. Just like me. Part of the human condition, I suspect. I don't see how you will never change. You did already so it seems logical to expect that you will again. As it is logical to expect that your H will change as well.

I'm not saying it is not difficult. I am saying that what you describe doesn't seem to be insurmountable issues. I've seen far worse that was overcome. In those cases, what changed were the participants perspectives. I've seen far less be a reason somebody decided to leave a relationship as well. Again, perspectives changed. What once was endearing, became annoying. Perspective again, because the action didn't change, in case you're wondering.

Enough though. I think you have the information at this point. I truly wish you the best. I think you're a very smart person, and I'm sure you'll figure out what you're going to do without my boring diatribes about perspective and perspective changes.

Allow me to leave you with this: As Michelle pointed out in the letter you posted early on, "..if this is your situation, hang on...." Your choice of course.

All the best, CV.

AJ