Back again thread #2

[MKB23]

LaBug, Tori, Ruby, and Wendylon- You guys keep me going. Like a nice cheerleading squad.

Not sure why but Monday mornings are terrible for me and today is no exception. Woke up not really angry but sort of pissed off. This will sound dumb but I was cold. I am cold by nature. Laying there in bed alone made me mad. Sigh. I have a little orientation for the job today. Just a couple of hours. Hopefully that will help keep my mind off things.

I also didn't sleep well. I didn't take the anxiety med. So it was back to my every two hour fitful wakeup. Sigh.

I miss my husband. I guess that is the bottom line. That man is gone though. There is some crazy alien in his place. I keep hoping for some crazy catalyst to help bring him back to reality. Ha! I need to let that go.

I hope everyone has a good day. I'm going to try. I am also going to try to avoid my H because frankly not sure how great my self control would be.

This is going to sound dumb but I also got mad cause I realized he took my brand new frying pan (the big one) and the lid of my travel coffee mug. lol Apparently he had lost his. I know I shouldn't be that mad over it but good lord of all the things. And now OW is making her food in dishes I bought. I hope she chokes on it. Sorry- I am being vindictive and angry. Mondays are an angry sort of day for me.

Although there is probably a comical book or story in my 1 million and 1 ways to kill your H's girlfriend line of thinking. lol

Have a good day all. Think happy thoughts. Hopefully they don't involve murder or "accidents" lol Sick.

[someguy1233]

Have a good day all. Think happy thoughts. Hopefully they don't involve murder or "accidents" lol Sick.

LOL! You're a riot. I hope you have a great day

[labug]

I also "went dark" with her for a while if you want to call it that. I just stopped the game, the abuse, the drama. Once she really got sober we worked through the remaining issues together. My lingering abandonment and trust issues do play a role in some of the dynamics of my M. Likely they are not as influential as just the fact that H has done this before.

Sounds like you did a lot of growing and changing. It's hard work but so worth it. Recognizing where we come from but taking responsibility for our lives going forward is so powerful. My mother was not an alcoholic but was depressed, interestingly the characteristics are similar she just didn't self-medicate. I attended Adult Child meetings and that was a great help to me. It's so nice to know that I wasn't as crazy as I thought I was and that I could get better.

But our experience often influences choice of mate.

Was your dad around when you were growing up?

What can I say, I was 20.

Would the Melissa of today make the same choice as Melissa at 20?

I also, have a problem with asking people for help. Even if I need it.

Start asking, just for little things. It's been amazing to me that people really do want to help and will if they can but just don't know how or what. Try it.

The goal was to be the smartest, know the most, and just be smarter. It made me a brat. It's overwhelming for people. I am a know it all. And not in a good way. It has cost me friends in the past. It has been very difficult for me to let things go and just be. Generally speaking unless the misinformation will result in someone being physically hurt I have stopped arguing and let it go. It's just not worth it. Someone here has a quote that say, "Would you rather be right or be married?" That is actually what I hear in my head whenever I start to go down that same path.

This makes me smile, in a sort of sad way. I've described myself much the same, that I always had to be the kid in the PF Flyer commercial (which not many will remember) who could "run faster, jump higher" and I tack on, always have the right answer.

Meditation has helped me a lot with slowing down and thinking before I "get involved". Detaching from outcomes is also a key along with recognizing just who the problem belongs to. If it's not mine and the person it belongs to hasn't asked for help, I walk away. It's sometimes very hard but everyone is entitled to live their own life, free from my interference, no matter how "helpful" it might be.

My anger and mouth is ongoing and will likely be a lifelong battle. That is something I learned from my mother. I am now trying to unlearn it. I really think the bulk of it is - stress. Feeling overwhelmed. The trick if for me to recognize that and to stop it before it gets to that point. As we all have calmed down and gotten more in the groove of H being gone it has lessened significantly. I also approach people differently or try to.

Again, meditation has helped me with this. Also asking myself, "How important is this, really?"

Getting enough sleep, eating right and exercise are also helpful. HALT, a piece of 12-step advice, watch for becoming hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Those are definite killers for me.

. They don't get to decide but they do get a voice. The kids and I are functioning more like a unit that we ever had before.

Good. They need to know that there is an adult who has their best interests at heart.

[MKB23]

Thanks SomeGuy.

Bug- No I would most definitely do things differently now.

Today has been a pretty crappy day. Cried in the car. Just can't seem to get it together. I always have a hard time the beginning of the week. Not sure why.
I'm just so down and feel alone. Not alone in a good way. I guess lonely more than alone. I also miss my H.

I went to that orientation today. 120 or so men in a room. Sadly, I didn't even think any were attractive. I couldn't even begin to imagine myself with someone else. Every time I even try I start crying. I can picture myself alone much easier than with someone else.

I guess maybe this is my cycle. Not sure what to do to make it any smoother though.

In looking at HALT though I have 3 out of 4 today so perhaps that is a clue. Hungry lonely and tired. I have sort of wondered where Anger was lately. Hasn't made an appearance in a bit.

I guess my next post I will start a new thread. Girls have BB tonight. That usually helps take my mind off things. Also, it's just nice to get to hang out and hear giggling and laughter.

Also, I am getting to where I hate looking at couples. Sigh. This is my life and I need to adjust to it but it's so hard.

[tori2012]

Melissa, I can relate to a lot of the things you're feeling/going through. I think a lot of us can relate.

Being with your daughters and their friends tonight will help. Get through one day at a time.

[Tumbling]

MKB - Thanks for posting on my thread.
I find Mondays difficult too.
I think it just reminds me of time ticking on.
I can picture my Self on my own far easier than w an Other too.
On my own feels alot Safer.
Is there something you could plan to do differently next Sunday night or Monday morning to mark the beginning of the week - kind of claim it for you, so to speak?

Enjoy your girlie night (())

[labug]

What was the orientation?

[MKB23]

For the job. It is a temp assignment through Amazon. I worked for them several years ago so was glad for the opportunity to do so again at least through the holidays. Then school will be back in by Jan 15th and I will be done by March and able to sit for my NCLEX!!

[albamarie]

Hi MK - thank's for posting! I think it's great that your working to get your mind off of things.

I work @ home on H's business which I need to reconsider very quickly because it doesn't give me an opportunity to meet new people. Plus, he needs to take care of his own responsibilities.

My H has never gone on meds, I think you said yours was for a while. Does it really make a difference? Does he act like the man you married?

I don't think any of us like Mon. so your not alone. I too sleep alone...only because H works nights, but I really know the loneliness your talking about, even when he's home.

I hope tom. a better day for you, that's all we can hope for is that everyday brings us close to putting this behind us!

[MKB23]

OMG the difference was NIGHT AND DAY!! I cannot even begin to tell you. Yes he was the man I first met. Kind, patient, calm, generally more organized. Just really a joy to be around. However, once he came off the meds, he has refused them since then.

Every single person we know remarked on what a difference it made. That is one of the things that perplexes me. That guy I first met is the H his XW/OW knew. I cannot imagine what she is going to think when the real H gets over the euphoria. I think as I said before that things will get very very interesting.