Thanks Labug, Busting and SS (I like 3 best too) If I am in denial then it seems he is too, otherwise why does he keep coming back around? Whatever. This so has to STOP. Every time it "ends" it feels like him leaving all over again. He has absolutely NO IDEA of what I go through when he does this. I have to keep my Self safe now. As much as I want him to be the man I fell in love w (he could express his needs then Labug), he isn't anymore and perhaps I did that to him Whatever. I promised my Self when he did this (went silent on return from his trip) 3 Sep that I would NOT ALLOW my Self to come to this sad little corner again.
Response 3 amended: If you want to be in my life, commit to acting like a husband and to joint counselling. Otherwise please leave me alone. Your choice"
Labug, Busting and SS (I like 3 best too) 
Whatever. I promised my Self when he did this (went silent on return from his trip) 3 Sep that I would NOT ALLOW my Self to come to this sad little corner again.