If my wife and I were to reconcile, two kids would lose a "mother figure"; if she takes off with the OM then my kids lose their family and gain a very strange new one: my son's coach and his two kids, with their father alienated. Has anyone ever come out of such a strange soap opera with an intact marriage?
1st I am so Sorry your in this situation buddy it is the hardest thing but we are in the ring with you - keep punching !!!
I can tell you one thing I thought I was special - that this was only happening to me - but you will see that we are not that special - this happens to a lot of people. You will see here some sitches are worse than yours and some are not as bad - One thing is true this is much more common than I ever thought !!
The 1st thing I will tell you is you must take care of yourself and your children.
If you are like I am/was it feels like your guts are getting torn out - you might not be eating and not sleeping go well - thinking of your wife making love to someone else is gut wrenching - STOP - BREATH - EAT and SLEEP.
Post here frequently and LISTEN to what the vets tell you !!!
Cadet gave you much essential reading get it done - Knowledge is power - after you read YOU will know what is going on BUT YOUR WIFE WON'T !!!
Cadet says "DETACHMENT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO - she is right I am going to post something that Peanut originally posted on Detachment it will save you a lot of pain and time if you follow it:
Detachment Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.
Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done. Our ego gets wounded and we say or do things that undermine our goals.
We can NOT control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.
If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love.
Met with love, we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals. On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, "I am not getting what I want so I must pull back." It is the natural acceptance of the reality that "I am alone responsible for how I act. I cannot control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."
Best of luck we will all be pulling for you !!
Sunny
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
