Dealing with the reality of separation

[Starbag]

Hi fuanacdc, I don't know your whole story yet but I just read you've been separated since Sep and your W said she wanted to talk. I just found out that my H told his parents that he will be visiting me soon too. They don't know the details, he didn't contact me directly either. We have no contact at all for 2 months now. I'm scared and I don't know what to say either. Big chance is that he will bring up the D to me I think. I know that he is still highly envolved with the OW. This is hard. I hope you will figure out things and I hope I will too.

[PeteWyo]

Starbag, thanks for the note. I think the thing I am trying to remember is that I have no control over W and OM. I am confident they are still together, so nothing will ever change as long as that is the case. So I am not hoping for anything to come from this conversation and I am prepared for the worst as well. I don't know what is going to happen but I know that WHATEVER happens, I will be a better person because of it! I am terrified actually but I am trying so very hard to know that God has a plan for me and whatever that means I'm good with that.

[littleGTO]

GOd does have a plan for us all. I believe that...it just might not be clear what that is right now.

I HAVE to believe that if my M doesn't work out that there is something BETTER for me out there after the dust settles & I am ready for my NEW IMPROVED LIFE.

You have to decide if you are ready or not to "drop the rope" and move on w your life. Each of us does here, whether our S decide to come back or not. And when there is OM/OW is the picture it becomes a different sitch & MUCH HARDER to "see a positive path" ahead as it seems they have already MADE THEIR CHOICE.

Statistics say most affairs DO END. The Q is are you willing to wait it out?

Wait to see what she has to say and give yourself all the time you want to make YOUR next move.

Good luck!

[PeteWyo]

Statistics say most affairs DO END. The Q is are you willing to wait it out?

Wait to see what she has to say and give yourself all the time you want to make YOUR next move.

I wish I knew the answer to this question. I have never been more confident that OM will show his true colors eventually. In fact, since we were all "friends" I feel that I have a great idea how this is all going to go down. You see, OM's fiancee has said that this is exactly how he acted towards her for about a year or so when he broke up her first marriage. Saying that he was going to change and things were going to be different, blah blah blah. I'm not sure I want to wait around and be a 'B Option' for a year or more. I feel that I deserve better than that. Now I am still not rushing out to the courthouse to get papers but I think I am in a much better place to deal with that, if that is what it comes down to.

Going to GP tomorrow to talk to him about getting on some anti-anxiety medication that will help me get back to living my life the way that I want. Hopefully I can get on something that works for me!

[PeteWyo]

Well, that was the bomb I was kind of expecting. W told me that she wants to move things forward and get a D. She was crying on the phone. I was not, but I could definitely go cry somewhere right now. I am happy that I was prepared for it though. I guess this is God's plan for me.

[PeteWyo]

I'm not sure why I am upset, I knew this is what she was going to say. It doesn't change anything, I am still working on me. Now it just seems like I officially failed at marriage.

[Starbag]

Sorry fuanacdc. I know you've expected it but it must still be sad to know that it came like that. I'm in the similar situation. How did she bring this up? I don't know how I will do but I know I won't cry and beg. Like you said, we can't control them.

[PeteWyo]

She asked me how I was, I said great! She said that she didn't plan on going back to the counselor anymore. I didn't say anything. She thanked me for getting her things to her and then said, "I think it's time to start taking this to the next step." She said it so matter of fact. I mean I'm sure that her and OM have talked about it and she had to build up the courage to say that. I did end up telling her about my job change and she seemed surprised at that. This just confirms to me that she has no idea about ANY of the 180s that I have been doing. I know that the 180s are for me, it would have just been nice for her to notice them too. In the end, I doubted that there was any saving my M, even if she wanted to come back, the more I think about everything I really have no idea who she is. The person that she was in front of me was apparently a big facade, at least from what I hear from everyone else. So how could I make a decision on whether or not to take her back when I don't even know who she was to begin with?!

[Starbag]

She just did all that through phone? Are you going to meet to talk about it? I have the same doubt, I think all of us here do not recognize the one we married to I do believe there's a chance they change though. And we cannot look for any signs because there won't be any. I guess that's why DB is about us GAL and detach. Hard hard hard. I think you've learned a lot from this though, and that is definitely a good thing. Sigh....I feel like calling my H right now, but I know it's pointless....

[PeteWyo]

Starbag, I believe deep down that my W would not be able to do that in person. She is terrified to have to go to the courthouse to finalize everything and see me in person. This is tough for me. When I think of people getting a divorce I think that they are arguing all the time and just can't stand each other, or there is abuse or something like that. Never in a million years would I think that it would go down this way. I still don't know why we are getting a divorce. We were so happy, or I thought we were. I don't know your story either, but I have to assume that your H at least has told you what he is unhappy with.