wife wants her space, doesnt know who she is

[leopoldstotch]

There's a few success stories on here in which the LBS was truly ready to move on with their lives after a long time being in their respective situations and then the WAS realized they didn't want to lose their S. It's not to say that that is something you do just to try to get your W to come back. Those LBS really worked on themselves and made changes in themselves to be truly better people but their WAW's were still unsure/hesitant if you will. Again it's not a tactic to use to force your W back. I also find it interesting that in the stories I read the WAS wasn't even living in the house with the LBS and a lot of people think it's impossible for their S to see their changes if they don't have regular contact.

I think you also have to understand that your W is also going through pain and she is hurting too just like you. It was not an easy decision for her to come to and you really need to be genuine with your changes. Your W can tell whether you are being real or fake. Do not change just to win her back because if your changes aren't real and she does come back and you go back to your old habits I guarentee you you will lose her for good. Take it from someone who has done that and hasn't truly DB properly.

AS has given you some excellent advice. I happen to agree with him on not moving out. You want to save your M and at this moment your W doesn't. I know you may think that by giving in to her every demand it will bring her back but it shows you have no respect for yourself. I also would not move out of the bedroom. She has made the choice to end it right now so IMHO it should be her to move to another room or move out. She will probably be really mad with you but that's what she will will have to deal with. Now I'm not telling you to be nasty to her about it but I would suggest if the subject comes that you state your position in calm confident way.

If for example she says you should move out or move to the back bedroom you could handle it like this " I understand how you feel but Iam not moving out of the house and I will not move out of our bedroom". Cool and confident not mean and nasty is how to handle it. She will probably yell scream curse etc but just walk away or go take a drive. Right now she probably doesn't have any respect for you and believes that she can do whatever she wants to you and you will do it. My W told me when we were separated before that she really enjoyed having that kind of power over me. My story is long so in a nutshell once I regained my self respect and was ready to move on was when my W knew she lost her control on me and we R. Well now I'm back because I slid back into old habits and now its that much harder for her to want to be with me.

As far as you asking her to go somewhere with you I'm not sure it's a good idea. I think it will be seen by her as pressure or possibly trying to buy her love. Last year I bought my W a few gifts for her birthday Dec 23 and for Christmas and damn if she didn't say she felt I was trying to buy her love. Talk about a crushing blow. This year I may only give her a card. You've been out of work and are getting a chunk of change. If I were you I would use it to pay bills and Christmas gifts for your kids.

You said your W has complained about the job you had and your lack of work. To me it sounds like she may feel you two are financially insecure. You are young enough to get out there and find a good job. I don't know what it is you do but you can always try getting into one of the trades. You need to think about your furture such as a retirement fund annuity health insurance etc. I can almost bet those things are on your Ws mind. So its time to go out and get yourself a career. Even if things don't work out you still need to do this for yourself.

I also noticed you said that you had three bar fights recently. I hate to say this bud but it's for your own good but that's very immature. You are a father and a husband I cannot imagine what your W really thought about that. I have to ask if you also have a drinking problem along with smoking pot. I also see that you have a lot of anger. I would advise that you go see a C. If you value yourself your children and your W you will go see someone. Theres no shame in it. I go and it has helped me tremendously. Am I perfect, absolutely not but I'm no longer inclined to feed off my W anger.

You have a long road ahead of you this will not be fixed by Christmas. There is no timetable so I would lose that expectation. I know you said you have no patience well guess what you need to get some right NOW! Without it you won't make it through this. There is a thread on here from a WAS that you should read if you haven't already. I would also suggest you read The Five Love Languages but first and foremost read DR. You have time to read so get busy. Sorry to be tough but it's warranted. Make sure you take care of yourself. Sleep, eat healthy, start lifting weights and please GAL it will help you cope immensely. Best of luck. Now get to work. I'll be checking in.