I am really grateful to this site and all of the stories people have posted. I'm finally coming to terms with the duration of this thing - W has expressed how incredibly happy she is being alone in her apartment. Solitude is very important to her. This was initially hard to hear and understand and I was holding out hope that she would magically appear home at some point. Well, it has been almost two months now and it feels like a fever breaking... I just know she won't be home anytime soon. And I'm making peace with it - but that would have been impossible without everyone's stories, so thank you all.
I know that holidays will be especially hard to navigate. Today is her birthday and I did get her a gift which I'll give her at MC tonight (hard to believe that sentence exists in my life!) and then she is gone to her family for the holiday. Her language all reflects that she recognizes this is how she "feels right now" and that "may change in the future". She also doesn't know if she can be in a committed relationship (with anyone, not just me) given her desire to be alone - but also says that may change in the future.
Her description of wanting to be alone is actually interesting to me once I get past the pain of what it means for my life. It is a fierce independence from anything that is connected with our life. She was already very individual and independent (in fact, people I've talked to say she's one of the most independent women they know) so I guess she has to go to this extreme to feel like she is gaining more independence. She does often sound just like what you'd expect from a 16 year old rebelling against the family unit, but maybe without the anger you'd expect.
In the end, I know I'll get through it one way or another. The being in limbo is definitely uncomfortable, but I know I can do it for some period of time... I'm just not sure I can wait the 2-3 years that seems a common timeline. _____________________________ Me:39 WAW:38, M:9 T:19, No Kids EA:9/24, S:9/24 EA on hold?, MC 9/30-now
