I decided to start a new thread here based on where I'm at and will start journaling here instead of my bootcamp thread. Most of the time I consider it a "happy limbo" but we still have the occasional argument that results in her saying she wants D.
Married 15 yrs, 5 kids (one mine before marriage). BD 2/2011 and reiterated every time we have an argument since, as recently as a week ago. Multiple EAs on W's side, one where she continues to have regular contact.
I've been working on insecurity, controlling behavior, being judgmental, being light hearted and fun and having a stronger faith. I've made a lot of progress, but I have more to go.
W moved out in July for 1 week and magically became the model W/M after moving back in. Day to day things are mostly awesome....lots of time together, as family and one on one, great sex life, just booked a family cruise vacation for Dec, etc. However, W refuses to commit to M, or work on any issues....the "heavy lifting" I referred to in my title. At the first sign of conflict, W runs straight to "I want a D."
I got notice of pre-conference in Oct (set for Jan), and saw that W brought home the D papers the other day after an argument (though she has not given them to me yet). I assume I will get them during the next argument (so I plan on not having one! lol)
My issues:
- Continued contact with OM. I recently set a boundary of not wanting to hear about OM at all and her not talking to OM in our house. She agreed, but we'll see how that goes. - W still wants D and believes that she can't truly be herself unless she has it
W's issues:
- A lot of resentment for first 10 years of M and resistant to forgive - Believes people can't change (and therefore, my changes aren't real) - Afraid of being disappointed again, so resistant to becoming vunerable - Believes once she makes a decision she has to stick with it
My current plan:
- Enjoy next couple of months to their fullest - Continue to focus on my issues and self discovery - Maintain boundary regarding OM - Pick up new hobby
