OK, how about stretching a little? Looking for next steps, here. I get that you are content (outside your M). I am, as well.
There's a saying that there are two basic stages we can be in: Growth and decay. Stability is a false stage that is actually part of decay.
When we say we are content, we feel we are stable. There is no hope or desire, other than to maintain the status quo. If we do nothing, we decay, maintaining the status quo actually requires work. You see that in your life. And the status quo doesn't seem so bright, so you wonder why you would work on it.
So, what is your passion? What do you want, more? How would you like to grow?
Personally, I will be MORE successful when I get into a new apartment. I will be MORE successful when I go on a one week vacation, every year. I will be more successful when I have a newer, awesome car. I will be more successful when I have my Harley. I will be more successful when I am sharing my life with someone that I want to be with.
Honestly, I think that you and your H's comments above are a positive. It's hopeful. I know it's hard to see from your POV. In your book of life, I'd put a check mark in the "success" column, yet I see you putting a check in the "fail" column.
Little has changed since you last answered those questions. I do want to know what MORE you want, because it gives you something to drive for. I would put "I want to like my H" in the MORE column, as you seem to believe that is important, so it's something to strive for.
So think of it from a coding perspective:
What are your goals? They need to be stated clearly in order to get the results.
