My husband dropped a bomb on me just over a month ago. He left a note to say he was leaving me and not been happy for almost 10 year. Went to counselling where he said he had not been attracted to me for years.
Have you read DR yet? If not get it and read it. You will learn a lot about your sitch and about why your H is doing some of the things he is doing. First of all it's unlikely he's been unhappy that long, but WAS's tend to rewrite history and make things sound much worse then they actually were. Don't let it get to you, it's typical behavior.
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He is head over heals in love with her
He THINKS he is. He's in the "puppy love" stage. The body releases dopamine into the system and gives people that warm, fuzzy "I'm in love" feeling. That typically wears off in 1 to 6 months. Often affairs end in that time frame because once reality sets in the affair loses its appeal.
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Every time we see the counsellor he drops another bomb on me, but at home behaves as though nothing has happenned unless I say something.
Read DR. Do not initiate any R talks at all. It might be a good idea to drop the counseling, it rarely helps in the position you're in. You might consider DB coaching, you should find it more helpful.
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I can feel him drawing further away every day, but am not sure how much I should say as he is now finding me "claustrophobic"
You should pull back, give him time and space, quit hassling him with R discussions. Detach, GAL, work on your PMA.
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He thinks I do not know how to be sensual because of my upbringing and says he and the "other woman" both know this is something you are born with and cannot learn.
Ah yes, the two of them are so knowledgeable and worldly, aren't they? Sensuality is NOT something you're born with, that's why so many couples have so much trouble in this area. They think people are just supposed to know how to be sensual, so they don't ever discuss it with each other or a counselor. Sensuality must be learned, and it requires very intense and personal communication. Often a sex therapist is required to get couples on the right track. Unfortunately I think you're not in a position to pursue that right now. If your H decides to reconcile then maybe, but right now it sounds like he's one foot out the door. Get DR and start learning about DB'ing, it's what you need to do at this point.
