wife wants her space, doesnt know who she is

[AnotherStander]

I'm realizing I am having a horrible time with the patience Part.

We all do!

with me not having a job right now all I've Got is my mind all day

Find things to do with yourself. Look for a job. Go for walks/ jogs. Ride a bike if you have one. Go hang out at the park with the kids. Contact old friends. Try and make new friends. GAL (get a life). It's critical to DB'ing. Without GAL you can't have PMA, and if you don't have PMA your W will just see a weak, broken down person she has no interest in an R with.

So patients is hard for me I'm really trying to work on it. But ill look at people on here who are still going through the motions 10 months later and I sit here and think "wow how am I going to deal with this for that long"

I can't speak for everyone here, but most people who have been DB'ing 10+ months are not just going through the motions, they are actively making themselves better people. They have come to a point where they can live with or without their spouse but for now they choose to stand.

and we normally do Christmas lights on the house and decorate inside the house together and I'm sitting here thinking about that.

Why stop now? We too have always done it up for Christmas, and you can bet this year will be no exception except W will not be helping. It's important to keep as much of your family traditions intact as you can for the kids' sake. Heck, since W moved out I've even been baking cookies for the kids.

I really want this to be settled before Christmas it's almost like a goal of mine.

Sorry to say that is highly unlikely. I thought my sitch would be resolved by Christmas when this started for me 5 months ago, but it's clear now that it won't be. Besides, you shouldn't be setting goals like that, it's harmful. Set goals regarding your personal development. DR will walk you through how to do that.

I feel like I'm a heroin addict trying to come off of heroin only she is my heroin... it's like I'm withdrawing from her. I know that screams codependency but we have been together for so long and had kids at such a young age our entire adult life has been raising the kids together with each other.

My W and I had been together 25 years. It took months of work and deep soul-searching, but I'm finally in a place where I can see that I really CAN have a great, happy, exciting future with or without W. And I'm over twice your age. You'll come to that realization too, just be patient.

so introducing the fact of getting a life by myself is very hard for me.

Do you think it's easy for any of us? We've all been there in the same misery and soul-level anguish. GAL is insanely difficult because all any of us want to do after BD is sulk around the house and wallow in our misery. Getting out is actually more painful than holing up. But the more you do it the more you start to enjoy it and the less you miss your W. So make yourself do it. Drag yourself out kicking and screaming.