DawnMarie- ((())) I have posted some about my H depression but not a whole lot. For us, it was a relief when he first left. No more negativity, no more outbursts, no more blaming, no more anger. I completely understand where you are coming from.
Really it is almost a form of abuse. You accept it and put up with it because you know something is wrong with them. However, the fact remains that it is with THEM. I really think if I had, had boundaries and put my foot down much of my current situation would have been avoided.
My H is off ALL meds and no counseling. I know that at some point his fog will lift the depression is going to come back and suddenly it will be WTF did I do and be a big crisis for him. Mine is also thinking that being with OW is fixing his D and it was all just me. However, people who truly struggle with D and have issues like BiPolar just cycle and it WILL come back. That is when the real crisis hits.The thing is- it's HIS crisis. Not mine. You CANNOT fix him. He has to fix him.
If that means a result is that you leave - then it may mean that. Is it to the point you cannot go on living like that? If so, tell him but mean it. I told H if you don't go back to IC and get meds I am leaving. But I DIDN'T. I should have.
Another thing just from experience- my H has become more resistant to meds the more I encourage them. If I had shut up it probably would have been better.
Also, you mentioned you are angry about your future. I know I also had this problem. I had envisioned a particular life and outcome. To put it honestly, I felt like we had made it through all the hard stuff now we get "the gravy" if that makes sense? That wasn't realistic. Truth is none of us know what the future holds. However, you do know what you are currently dealing with and you need to make your choices based on what is best for YOU. If your children are grown that is even better. Less stress. It sounds like you really haven't decided what you want, therefore, you keep chasing your tail. One thing is for certain, you do not need any more anger and animosity. So sit down, decide, then take action. For me, there was peace in just figuring that out. It gave me a path and a way forward.
Now- I have only read this thread but I was shocked that OW called you. How is it that she has a conscience about TG but nothing else? Maybe I missed that. However, it seems like she would tell him to go work on things and not come around anymore. I have a very clear and definite opinion of "women" who have a R with married men. I do not know if I could tolerate OW calling me. Really.
