You hit it on the head here. THE ULTERIOR MOTIVE. Except I am the one with the ULTERIOR MOTIVE. I try to do more around the house, to help shoulder the burden so my wife is not so tired, and what happens. The wife thinks that I am trying to do more for that sneaky "ULTERIOR MOTIVE", to get sex. I try to make changes in me that will make me more attractive to her, and it always comes back to that sneaky "ULTERIOR MOTIVE" for her, I just want sex.
NO, the "ULTERIOR MOTIVE" is to have a FREAKIN' better marriage. It seems I can't win either way!!
I will have to find the website that I found this information about naked non-sexual time together. It can be so important to a couple in so many ways. One, the oxytoxins(sp?) chemical gets produced from stimulating the skin, particularly in women from what the article said. TO me there was nothing better then spooning with the wife naked as we drifted off to sleep. Cuddling up to flannel jammies like she wears now stinks. Two things have to happen for her to go back to sleeping naked, she has to get over her body image problems and I have to win her trust. I also found that I opended up more to her when laying naked side by side while she would caress ALL of my body. It's amazing how vunerable I guy can become when you have control of his manhood, He will promise you the freakin world at that point.
I also need to find another link to an idea from a christian pastor on massage. He explained to new couples that they should have the wife get naked and enjoy a hot oil massage from the husband for at least an hour (once a week if possible). The Husband must stay in his underwear the entire time. Sex was not to occur until at least 2 hours AFTER the massage was over, no exceptions (and it does not have to occur). This was to build TRUST between the man and woman that the guy could touch his wife all over and NOT have to always have sex, but yet build a very intimate moment with her. It is QUALITY time for her. The man will get aroused, but both parties must ignore this. This will teach the man a little more control over his sexuality. We are going for intimacy here, NOT SEX. And truly, HD men are using sex as their way of getting intimacy (but this is not an excuse to ignore sex). This is an exercise in NAKED Non-Sexual Time TOGETHER to build INTIMACY and TRUST. The pastor claimed the women of these marriages were always thanking him for this exercise. I have not tried this yet. I don't think my wife is ready for this yet. Got to find that link!
Boy, are we ever simple creatures. Dr, Laura has us pegged perfectly. H#ck, all those jokes about guys thinking with his d#ck, are only funny because there is so much truth to it.
Here are some additional ways to help you "get in the mood" that I don't think have been mentioned on this thread. Try reading: Aquaerotica: 18 stories for a steamy bath; Herotica by Susie Bright; or My secret Garden by Nancy Friday.
Thanks for the book references, Patsi, I appreciate it.
Well, yesterday I sent an email to my hubby telling him how sexy I thought he looked in his new work duds (he ALWAYS looks amazing in business dress), and that I just wanted to say 'I love you.' I told him that I was thinking about him this morning, and while doing so, I noticed I had a smile on my face. I told him that I was sending him the email because I always think these things, but I so rarely tell him, and I was really sorry for that. I meant every word, and he seemed touched that I said so.
And guys, yeesh, I went to bed in the buff... jolly h. cripes, all, you'd think the guy had hit the lottery. I didn't know two hands could be on so many areas of my body AT ONCE. It was a little overwhelming, I have to say. We couldn't ML because... well, I couldn't, you know?... so I topped him off, and he seemed verry happy.
So I stay in the buff, and he puts his PJ bottoms ON!!!! I made him take them off, and we slept like that. And much to my utter astonishment, I didn't get cold. Not once. This from a woman who could sleep in 10 layers of clothes and not get hot.
I don't know if yesterday made a great difference in the grand scheme of things, but I suppose one day does not a permanent change make.
So I'm going to leave my pj's in the drawer again tonight. Do you think he'll, like, get so used to me sleeping like that, that at some point I may as well be sleeping in pajamas?
Corri, for all our problems, neither the wife or I have ever owned a pair of pajamas....
I posted something about it a long time ago. Nothing, but nothing beats sleeping nude with your lover. I don't know what to say, but throw away your jammies - and his. Keep a towel or robe close by in case of emergency, kids, whatever.
Have fun!! -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Corri, I am like you--freezin all the time. However, about a year or so ago, H told me that we'd probably have more sex if I came to bed naked every night. I haven't seen my pajamas since.
Seriously, I rarely get cold. And sometimes I will go to bed naked and keep a cozy robe on a chair that is next to my bed. That way, if I'm cold I slip it on in the middle of the night. But I ALWAYS go to bed naked. It's nice isn't it!
I'm happy for you that things are on the upswing. You are a good woman for putting his happiness so high on your priority list. Hope he does the same for you!
Hugs, Honey
P.S. What does "I just couldn't make love" mean? I'm not being silly, I really didn't follow that part...
P.S. What does "I just couldn't make love" mean? I'm not being silly, I really didn't follow that part...
It means, I don't play baseball in the mud, it was my time of the month. But damned if I was going to use that as an excuse not to do something that might make him happy for one more day.
Hi. Here are a few know your man tips non-sexual that have big benefits unless he is trying to keep from responding to you. Nothing works if they are in that mode except 180. Let your H catch you bragging about him to other men. Let everyone know that you will ask, defer and follow his advice. Sounds off-beat but men got that my hero hard wired in them. If they are not actively suppressing it it is the first thing the clean up woman uses to crash your relationship. You be the president of his cheer team and let the world know and he will get it. By the way if he is suppressing it he is severely depressed and needs a different approach. I will supply input when I get that firgured out.
