Can This Be Salvaged?

[leopoldstotch]

You asked me to post to you, which I did on your first thread...but I'll chime in here and there...and Denver and Jack are great mentors for you.

Pay attention to them, PLEASE...that means process what they say and apply it to your sitch...

Ok now that I have some time I can go over your post Denver.

You are right that one of my 180's needs to be mood enhancement. I definitely take things way to serious around the house and I can tell you that I have begun being upbeat and will continue to do so.


Well GOOD^^^...do whatever it takes. You do only live once. INstead of spending the money that makes your wife uneasy and insecure (and nearly all women I know would feel the same) you can use that "live only once" to BE HAPPY WHILE YOU ARE HERE...

I mean it's a lousy combination for your wife to live with to have you say on one hand "you only live once, so let's not save a cent so we're always one paycheck away from being broke"....AND YET also not be a happy person...


When my wife first fell in love with me I was a happy person. We would talk and joke and now things are just way to serious no joking and it's me who has to change that.

yes it is

The trust issues I agree with you on 100%. I am pretty open with my wife. She has access to my FB and to my cell phone. I never lock the phone so she can't see it.

um, sorry to point this out but you also had a LOT of inappropriate contact with OWs and lied about it and hid it. And hiding it is lying by omission.

I'm glad you NOW are open with your wife, but let's not pretend you always were. There's a very legit reason for her distrusting you AND for feeling mistreated.

You tend to treat her badly whenever you think you can get away with it...only to care about the marriage IF there's OM or a threat of a divorce.
Of course she's not sure it's real or sincere...but instead might just be a tactic to get her back, ONLY to revert to your old ways once you can....

THAT IS HER FEAR...that the marriage will slide back, again, to the old ways.




As a matter of fact I know she was looking at it this morning because I left it on my dresser and when I went in too the room she was walking away from the dresser and it looked like I startled her. I didn't say anything but chuckled to myself.

Not to quibble, okay? But I see the "lol"s you use and the "chuckled" to yourself & it somehow makes me think you see this as a game to win. It's not a contest.

I can see how you would think that I think it's a game but to me it is not. I chuckled because she doesn't have to hide from me that she looks at my phone or FB. Yes I gave her reason to do that I do understand that.


She can check all she wants I have nothing to hide. I always tell her where I am going and if I will be home or not. If I drink too much at my buddies I stay but come home first thing in the morning. I usually invite her out with me when I go out but she typically says no.

is it FUN FOR HER when you drink too much? Isn't one of her love languages quality time together? Did you read AND take in, the Five Love Languages book?

No one of her LL isn't quality time. I don't know if that is what I posted earlier if I did I meant that that was one of my LL. I know my W's biggest LL is Acts of Service followed by a mix of Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. I haven't finished reading the book yet.

I hear you on taking the lead and the changes I have to make are for ME and not her. That is what I meant by saying to you that I will win this battle. No matter what happens I will come out of this a changed and much better person.

Well I have to run right now. Gotta go to my son's soccer game. I'll check in later.