The crack in my separated life...

[Sweetbriar]

Labug....I am planning on bringing this up with D's IC this week so that she can give D some advice. I am not going to mention it to H, as it will do no good.

I had a great time at the party last night..stayed out until 2:30am. I did miss H being there...it was tons of fun and like I said, all our friends together.

I did not spend a lot of time talking about H unless someone asked something, as some of the people there hadnt seen me in awhile. It was nice to hear so many times how great I looked from those who havent seen me in a couple months! Of course, I also have a bigger belly now...baby is growing like crazy! Tummy really popped out:)

So, one of H's (EX) good friends came up to me and let me know how great I looked. He is married to one of my great friends, but he hasnt seen my in awhile either...and he asked how I was doing. He also asked about my girls. I genuinely believe that he cares and he always has. He was the friend who really tried to talk to H when this first started and to give him advice. Anyway, he said that he has been thinking about me and that he wanted me to know that this OW is a drug to H. H is an addict and that the last time they went out together (which was in Sept) that he had a long talk with H and was telling him that he is making really bad choices. He told H that he was running away from his wife and kids. My H answered back with "Yeah, I know, but its a fix for me" so our friend said to H that he was going to run and run and then he will eventually crash and burn. That he will lose it all in the end and he asked H if he realized that and H responded "I know, but I NEED the fix". This friend told me last night, at that point, he decided that there was no reasoning with H and that he was set in his way.

Now, after thinking this morning about that, this conversation between H and friend happened one week before H came back and wanted things to work between us but wasnt willing to handle the 2 conditions I had put out there. (no alcohol, no woman from bars). I wonder if this friend did have a small impact on Hs thinking , but then again, H wasnt willing to go in 100%.

This friend also said that he has had no contact with H and that he not only walked away from his family, but that every decision he has made since he left has been bad.

D ended up having fun at the game with H but came over to the party for a few to say Hi to everyone. (she knows all these people too , of course) and mentioned that H made a comment while they were out (which she forgets) and then said to her , that it was just another part of his mid life crisis and laughed. He was teasing her, I guess, because she told him one time that he was having one. (out of her mouth, not mine and I have not discussed MLC with her!) She also said that when H dropped her off at the house, he, of course, saw all the cars at neighbors house and said "are they having a party" and she replied yes. He then said "they didnt invite me" and D said, well maybe if you were on better terms with mom they would have.

I dont know if he was serious, but honestly, I hope he got a stab of sadness knowing that he isnt part of that crowd right now since he has removed himself to far away. I really think that he and OW stay cooped up in her townhouse when he is there because I do know that he is not happy about showing his face much around town. It still makes me sick that he has to drive by our house to get to her house and that it doesnt bother him one bit.

Some of the older woman there know of OW pretty well and had some not so nice things to say about her again. I guess she has been around town with many boyfriends and they all say it will not last. I am having a hard time believing that it wont last.

I just dont get the theory...if he has me leaving him alone and not bothering him, he has OW, he is seeing his kids regularly and they are being mostly nice to him, and he is getting all his emotional needs met by OW, what in the world will make him wake up or change his mind or see what he has lost? I have read that the infatuation can turn to real love...especially if they only have each other and are meeting all each others needs.

I really really believe that he is sick and mentally disturbed right now. My mom says these are his true colors..and to move along..but I dont believe these are his true colors...how could he have faked it this long?