So just to add a couple more things, what AJ said about possible ADD.

First, ADD is not an excuse. In the same token, as he submits, you appear to see it as him attempting to disrespect you.

I would submit that your H very honestly meant what he agreed to do, at that time. That he did not, while you focus on it, is not an indicator that he initially lied or intended to cause you harm or pain.

That said, choosing to be with someone and spending a lifetime with them is a choice. No one makes us do that, we choose it. It is entirely our responsibility.

In the same way that leaving someone is entirely our choice. We choose it. It is entirely our responsibility. No one makes us do it.

You (are torn, and so are trying to figure this out, but if you do not choose to be with your H, you) are choosing to not want to be with your H. You are simply giving reasons why. In the end, it is simply your choice and your responsibility. No one else'.

Making reasons is very common... very human... always and also with a WAS.

It reminds me of a discussion I had with my stbX.

Many months ago, we had some sort of R talk. I can't remember the details, the specifics were, she suggested that the reality was, she had chosen out of the M. I light heartedly indicated that may not be entirely correct.

While that may be the case, two and a half (and then some) years ago, the reality was, and I mentioned this to her, it was I that left the M. It was I that pushed for the legal separation (began acting on it), it will be I that files D.

I can give you a whole bunch of reasons why. Why did I not participate in the M as she wanted? Why did I appear to not be fully engaged in the M? Why did I leave the marital home? Why did I push for S? Why will I file for D?

I can give you all the reasons. The reality is, it was entirely my choice and my responsibility.

So consider...

Why are you making reasons? No, you aren't making them up, you are choosing to hide behind them. Answering why will not change your choice.

You... right now... for the past [insert time frame here], have begun to choose out... The reasons are not due to your H. The reasons are due to you.

I really appreciate... honour... that you are questioning that choice.

But just as you find reasons to leave...

You are looking for reasons to stay...

And just it is your choice and responsibility to leave, nothing to do with your H, except reasons. It will be your choice and responsibility to stay, nothing to do with your H, except reasons.

You don't need reasons. You simply need the courage and strength to be responsible.

That may be harsh. It is the reality.

And that is what was going on with your weekend out with the girls.

You shifted.

What ever the reasons, they do not matter. YOU shifted your perspective.

Find that... and you will find your authentic self. And your choices will be easy to make.