You are not spending as much money? B/c that is about being agood provider and most women see "Security" as one of the 2 most important traits in their husbands...and
that means physical security (so NO physical abuse or intimidation)
AND Financial...no worries that the home will be foreclosed or the kids needs won't be met, etc...
and fwiw,the other trait is fidelity. From 25MLC
25MLC,
Thank you for being consistent with your advice. Maybe some of us, like myself can't or don't want to see the forest for the trees and, at least in my case, remained in denial of some of our faults.
I see so many more manipulative and passive aggressive behaviors from my past that i now more fully comprehend.
I may have halted those behaviors since our 1st argument just 3 weeks before i discovered my W's love letters to the 1st OM, but i didn't see the intimidation of how i passively and aggressively displayed that behavior as clearly as i understand them now.
That was only possible by me rereading advice again and opening my mind rather than get defensive and internally make excuses and rationalizations.
Leo,
I was advised by you to go back and read the replies to my 1st thread and i suggest that you do the same.
My poor behavior was a consistent part of me for years, as your habits probably are too.
I would grimace in pain if my W had felt it necessary to check out my phone because that, to me, would mean i gave her previous reasons to not trust me.
In my way, my excessive work voided me from being home when i was needed for emotional support.
I always made enough money before, but even if my wife had been considering an R for our marriage, i was over compulsive on only trying to fix the marriage and let my financial life fall apart. So, on my case, even though i stopped some actions that caused insecurity in my W's belief in me, i replaced it with another insecurity after the bomb drop.
Are you creating any additional insecurities in your W's view of your actions and changes?
I am only commenting this to you, because it's never too late to rid ourselves of behaviors that caused emotional distress in others whom we care for, but didn't show it in all of our interactions as best we could.
