Tumbling, I doubt that you alone ruined anything. There are 2 people in a R, in most cases it takes both those people to make it or break it.

You weren't existing in a vacuum.

Don't be so hard on yourself, focus on you and just let him be for awhile.

Why do you feel so responsible for the b/u of your M?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss