Wow, it just keeps striking me anew... God, I'm glad I found this place.
Everyone here has it right - it's the desire, often more than the actual physical act, that makes it work. For me, anyway. Though the act itself is definitely important. (-;
One thing I wanted to mention, though I don't know if it'd apply to y'all because we don't have kids yet. :-D But one specific example of something my H started doing that made a *big* difference to me is that when we're sitting down talking with people, or watching a movie with friends (or the kids, perhaps?), he'll sit close to me and put an arm around me. If it's darkish, and not going to be noticed by anybody around us, he'll run his fingers across the back of my neck. (I'll play with his hair or ears if we're in opposite roles.) It's something minor, and something both of us know won't go anywhere else, but it's physical contact that's worked in, and it feels nice both on a physical level and in its ability to reassure me that he wants to touch me. (-: He also makes sure to walk brushing-close to me when we walk together, or even to hold my hand. :-D
I don't know how it would work the other way around on guys, but it might could help. (-:
A minor caveat, though, at least that I experienced... As the HD spouse, I tend to get... well... not quite desperate, more defensive, really, but it used to be that when he did touch me I REALLY easily jumped into high-mode, just to make sure not to miss an opportunity that might not present itself for another month. It took me a while and a lot of effort to train myself to not jump into horny mode when he started doing the little things more. So... yeah, definitely let him know what you're trying. It's really frustrating for a while, but once I realized he wasn't suddenly about to *stop* touching me, I learned to relax and really just appreciate the effort he's put in.
Hopefully your H will be able to do the same with your efforts - it's really wonderful that you're thinking about and working on it. (-:
Good luck!
I am turning in revolution
these are the scars that silence carved
on me
