As far as I am concerned, you are a goddess! I am so glad you posted this stuff. It gives me hope since your's and my wife's experience has been so similar.
I have to keep reminding myself of what you said about these things not coming naturally to LDrs. It is really frustrating but I try to remember.
All the advice in this thread is right on the money. It is all about expressing desire for your spouse. Desire!!!...not just willingness.
They say the devil is in the details, the little stuff. Well, I think heaven is in the details as well. You can do all the "big stuff" right but no one who knows you is going to buy it if the little stuff isn't there too. Without the little stuff, the big gestures are certainly appreciated, but you never forget that the underlying reality is the LDr really doesn't want to be there, even if they really do.
This makes me a little sad because I have greatly appreciated all of the advice you give here. If you keep up what you are doing and incorporate the suggestions in this thread, well, I doubt you will be hanging around this board anymore. :-)
One thing that is tricky here, and maybe your spouse is struggling with this, is that when the HDr has been "rejected" so much for so long it becomes very hard to maintain interest in much else. Personally, I try to make myself interested, even....especially...when I don't want to, because I always want my wife to know I am impressed with her. Perhaps this might be something to discuss with your man.
By the way, does he know you post here? Does he read some of the incredible things you write? Does he have any real idea how hard this has been for you or how hard you have been working to overcome it? Does he know what great things that other people who are in his shoes think about the things you say here?
You posted something from a marriage builders website that I wonder if you try. Something about rebuilding desire by taking time out every single day, relaxing, and thinking about sex. I think this is HUGELY important. Have you tried that at all?
