He's Just Not That Into You

[RegretfulLA]

Yes, I am quite sure H has some mild to moderate depression going on and has for a while. I know I can't fix it and I've never bothered him or badgered him about it. I do ask him if anything's bothering him and he always says no... this is part of the self-deprecation. He will always say he's ok, even if he's clearly not. Like I said, I have a lot of pity for him, and even if we don't stay together, I hope for him that he can heal.

Also have been able to put my finger on some passive-aggressive behavior. Today I said something to S6 during his soccer game that H thought wasn't "positive parenting" - and he said to me, "You should go back to parenting classes." Such an inappropriate comment. So then I told him that was attacking and derogatory and we started to get into it (usual response is "too bad you feel that way", "That's why this will never work out", etc), but he is so concerned about what other people think of him that he cannot stand to fight in public, even if no one can hear us or even cares. So I agreed to table the discussion until after the game.

In the car I said, "Look. No one in this family has any right to say anything to another member of this family that hurts their feelings, intentional or not. And if a member of this family does hurt another family member's feelings, they need to make it right." I was actually pretty proud of myself for coming up with this because it took the focus off the fight and made it more of a "family rules" issue. And there is no way to argue with that.

So he said, "Yes, you're right, I could have worded that differently." Etc. I told him this was the level we needed to be working on. Not sure what he thought of that, but that pretty much ended it.