Tumbling, sorry to hear what you've gone through. I thought this trip was going to be really good for you :-(
Yes, you slipped and dumped DBing in the trash, but that's what you felt you had to do. I've felt that way before, and releasing my real thoughts and feelings made all the difference.
Two years is a long time. You've been very patient. Michelle Weiner talks about a point in which the DBing spouse just had enough, and that only she knows when she's reached that point. Maybe you're there?
Anyway, big hug, and prayers for peace and comfort to you ((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))
