Doesn't quite fit in any category covered in here

[LIO]

What 'needs' did she have that you aren't meeting?
She said she didn't feel heard. Why?


You asked what being unavailable looks like.
For me: I don't answer the phone every time. I let it go to vm. I might call back later. Or I might listen to a vm and let it go.
I don't volunteer information, or talk about me.
I don't call just to talk. It's pursuing.


Our job is to listen. Not talk. This is a hard lesson that I've ignored for 8 months. It doesn't matter what we feel to them. It's about their feelings.

I worked hard on getting comfortable with responses that repeat back what they say. A good counselor does this and it draws out more from a person. A OP does fills this gap. If you can do it, then the OP isn't so special.

For example:
"I feel like I'm not being heard"
Me: "I understand, you feel that you are not being heard. What's been going on?" (I don't add anything else to that)
There is usually a clarification by the other person.
Me: "in xxxx situation, you feel like you aren't heard. I understand. (do not say "that must be (insert feeling here)" Let them get to the feeling themselves.

That moment is NOT the time for a solution. It's for you to add to your database of information of things that you might want to 180 silently.