Not sure where we are going

[LIO]

How long has she been depressed? Has she ever been diagnosed with depression?
One thing about depression is that the person doesn't want to be cheered up in a fake way. They want validation. To know someone is there for them if they need when they are ready to come out of their shell. When people say 'depression hurts' - it really does. Painfully so to the depressed person.

It reads as if she shows her love/appreciation through acts of service. Did she get the validation/appreciation from that? Or did she give so much without return?

As far as your son, I have a younger son, and while it is difficult sometimes to hear the questions or see their reaction, the only thing I can do is to validate S so that he feels heard. Even if we don't understand what is going on, it's important for them to know that the other parent loves them and is doing the best that they can do... right now.