Forward, no doubt I'm very sad. I didn't think things would turn out this way, but it has. I've come to terms with it. I'm the one who decided it's time to get the D, to take control. He's going along with the process, but there's a lot of tax stuff that he's hidden from me. He's come clean with it now, but it needs to be sorted out. We have to sell the house, so that's another hill to climb. It all seems so overwhelming, but I'm keeping a positive outlook.
Another sad thing ... my D20 lost a friend to suicide last week. Completely surprising ... she was a happy person outwardly, had lots of friends, had just graduated high school. So much to look forward to, then she ends it. Her facebook just says, "sorry, i love you." She, apparently, didn't leave a note. Her parents must be so stunned, and heartbroken.
Anyway, take care y'all. Hug the one's you love.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I'm so sorry to come here and read about your daughter's friend. It has to be a shock and heartbreaking for the family.
BeingMe, everything will appear overwhelming for a while, but as you chip away bit by bit, it will become more manageable. Your positive attitude will help you as you continue to travel your life's journey.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
That's terrible, I'm so sorry. I hope your D is doing okay.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
D20 seems to doing okay. She was in air force cadets with her friend, in the flag party. The only two girls, and my daughter was commander and felt like a bigger sister to her. D20 is no longer in cadets, but she went to the HQ, and the parents were there, letting everyone know what happened. They were all crying when D20 got there, so she ended up crying too. I think it was cleansing for them.
I posted this on Weniki's thread: "I used to think that I could take my H back, but that he would have to climb Mt. Everest. Now, I think it's too late. Like you, I look back and I see how much he has been in control of our lives. He has hidden things from me, lied to me, and hardly ever thought how things might effect me. I was the one always thinking about him and our children. I'm not perfect ... far from it, but in general, he was in control of our marriage.
I doubt I would take him back now."
I just want to note it, and add that I want my life back. It's funny though, how I still think of H as a "great" guy ... he's still being nice to me, kind, our friend's are all stunned about the D because he does give off the impression of being a good guy. I know him best ... I know it's mostly a facade. He's a paper cutout figure with no substance, can smile on command, and have a great time, but you never know what he's truly thinking. He never truly knew me ... he thought I was going to die when I had cancer ... I knew I was going to survive, and thrive.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BeingMe I am so incredibly sorry about your daughter's friend. So sad that any young person [or anyone] gets to that point.
Odd about our spouses. Mine is the exact opposite and is a different man now. So not the nice guy any more, but as I posted on Wendy's thread - I truly believe we did have a good marriage. My xh became very very mean and nasty, and even now he is strange and alienated, like someone on the moon. Post MLC he was so mean to my lovely dil he used to make her cry!
Beatrice, I wonder if your H has some sort of brain issue - like a tumor? Could even be a benign one. I've heard that people's character could change completely due to something like that. Has he been checked out?
"They" say that those who commit suicide, are a little insane at that point, and not responsible for their actions. I tend to agree. Even the hellish situation we find ourselves in this world, the pain, the bitterness, I still see hope. I'm not interested in finding out what's on the other side of the veil, until it's my time. Perhaps there won't be anything. In that case, I'd rather make the best of this life, in the hope there is something out there. And, I think there is.
Okay, I'm waxing philosophical today. Time to go practice my presentation for Astronomy. We're going to do one on meteorites and how humanity viewed them through time. My first character is an Inuit woman who lived 10,000 years ago, and observed the iron meteorite that fell in Greenland. Okay, I'm sure no-one is interested in that. Certainly not my H. But, I'm GAL. Yay!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Interesting you should say that about the tumour - a number of people who knew him well also wondered that [not a put down, I hope you realise, but to say , yes, it seeemed like a real possibility]. But when he did get cancer he had a whole body scan to check for any secondaries, and that would have picked up a brain tumour.
his behaviour has seemed very like someone with something seriously wrong with him.
I sometimes feel like the only person on this board whose husband was actually committed and loving - not sure it makes it easier though! or maybe I was deluding myself, and am taking longer to realise it!
I agree with you about suicides. It is heartbreaking though for those left behind.
Went to see my lawyer about some tax stuff --- H can't find the file, conveniently. I don't know what to do? H speaks of depression, doesn't want to talk about it (nothing new about that), and says if it weren't for the kids, he would end the pain. I don't know what pain he is referring to, because ... you guessed it ... he won't talk about it. Arrrrrgh! This is why I need to divorce him. I said to him this morning that if one talks about stuff, you release some of the angst and pain, thus not bottling it up to spew out later as depression, and suicide. I told him I feel sorry for him, because we didn't have a bad marriage, and he had a wife that adored him. Also, it's his choice to be unhappy and miserable. I've gone past the anger, and am just very disappointed in how our marriage has turned out.
Anyway, I'm off to uni to try and finish a presentation with a team member. We present on Tuesday. I am sweating nuclear bombs on this one.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Being Me, I wanted to post to you about MLC as it was for me to maybe give you a little insight.
-I could have talked all day long about my MLC it would not have speeded it up. -The pain he refers to is thrust upon you, you have no idea where it came from, what it means or why the pain is so bad. -Its tough to imagine unless you've gone through it how bad it hurts. I wish I could be more clear.
You can't compare physical to emotional pain. There 's no tangible measurement to it. All you can do is take my word for it if you choose.
My opinion is people in MLC do not choose to be unhappy and miserable. They don't wake up saying that. I woke up everyday for 2 years saying " pain please go away" "How can I make this better". I just wanted to survive from sunup to sun down, thats it, that was the gaol. Nothing else mattered.The issue is MLC takes a while. You need to accept the pain and then try to work your way though it.
I know it hurts you and Im sorry your in this mess. That's why getting a life and moving on is crucial. Maybe he works through it, maybe he doesn't. I don't think most do. I was a lucky one. but I have empathy for MLC'ers. This phenomenon if you will is thrust upon you, you certainly don't choose it.
You have to move on for you. Save yourself and then maybe, but we all know that already as that is preached here everyday.
I want to follow-up on what Mirage said. I agree that they don't intend to be miserable, in fact who does? I do think they have it in their heads to do what they want to regardless of the consequences to them, family, or friends. There lies the problem, MLC is the ultimate in selfish behavior and its very tough to get past.
