The crack in my separated life...

[Sweetbriar]

Have had a hard day....have had a lot of thoughts of H today. Not sure why, as we have had no contact, but It may be the party tonight and me just anticipating him not with me. Everyone there knows that we are separated, so I wont have to talk about it...but its still sad.

This weekend is my weekend with the girls, but H texted both girls and asked them to a Wizards game (our hometown basketball team). They both have other plans but D14 is willing to still go and cancel her plans since H is allowing her to bring her friend with her to the game. My youngest is staying here and continuing her original plan. H begged D14 to cancel her plans and go with him...not sure why he is so eager...why doesnt he take OW?

H is supposed to ask me before he makes any plans with the kids, but of course, he always asks them first and THEN asks me. Well, we were out shopping when all this was going on so I knew what the plan was. Really, I wasnt sure if I should let D go, since it is my weekend, but since Im going out tonight I figured it wasnt a big deal.

He asked the girls to have me call or text him to let him know it was okay with me. Well, I dont want to call or text from my cell because I really dont want him to have the number, so I just told D to let him know I was fine with it.

Am I being childish or wrong by not giving him my number? He doesnt know that is the reason I didnt call him, but he may take this as cold behavior from me that I didnt call him and let him know myself it was okay for him to take the kids.

Anyway...maybe Im just worrying about stupid stuff..who knows. I really need to just stop thinking about what he is doing. After he contacted the girls, I started thinking about where he was...if he was at OWs house or if he was coming all the way to our house (totally out of the way of the game) and getting them and then going all the way back...and then I start thinking about how he will probably stay with OW tonight since he will be dropping D off here late...and OW lives so close to me...

Why cant I just forget about what he is doing?? I get so mad at myself for wondering...

Maybe Im also upset that he even had the nerve to ask the girls to go with him when he knows its my weekend....although I guess Its one less thing he is doing with OW if he is taking my kids....

CANNOT DETACH...what is wrong with me??