Corri, When I have said those types of things to H, what I was referring to was his lack of DESIRE for me. Nothing in his actions or words was telling me that he found me attractive and sexy.
He would have sex with me if I wanted it, and even initiate sex on his own. But I never had the sense that it was something that he was really wanting to do because he had been so "friend-ly" towards me. Absolutely nothing occurred between us that would have been inappropriate to play out between him and his mother. Isn't that a sick thought, lol.
Anyway, so I'd ask him for "passion" in our daily interactions..and that if I had more of that, I could live with less sex...and he'd give me a blank stare. He couldn't figure out what things I could be referring to. Passion was simply too generic a word for him; he needed specific examples. Now you are a woman, and therefore intelligent, so I know that I don't have to spell it out, but I will list a few things that come to mind:
1. Tell him he looks good. 2. Touch him in a way that NO ONE else in the world is "allowed" to. That is, squeeze his butt, let your hands drift during a hug, etc. 3. Make plans to make love..whisper in his ear that you want to make love that night. 4. Offer back rubs, if you have time. 5. Turn a Peck Kiss into a Passionate Kiss, just for fun. 6. Send him an email and flirt with him a little.
Most of these are not very time consuming and can be done in spite of kids running around, etc. The key in improving my own sex life was NOT that he be more available to me, but that he desire me. I know that you have written that you experience desire differently, but is there any way that you can fake it sometimes? Just to reassure him? Cause really that's what's going on. He is letting his mind get the best of him and convincing himself that you don't desire him. As an HD person that feels like the most colossal failure that could happen to you. I am sure that you have explained about your arousal then desire pattern, but I can guarantee that he takes it personally. Your H may not have made the emotional progress that you have made this last year, you know?
