Met for delicious sushi. We both love trying new foods, both out to eat and cooking together at home.
Afterward drove to nearby waterfront park and talked.
W is very angry. I knew that. She seemed to open up to me, and I validated as much as possible, but really it was so rapid fire...think what matters most, she believes I was listening and understanding.
She is of course angry at me, also expressed anger toward all our family, friends, etc. in that she was unhappy, hurting, in pain and no one at all stepped in to help. She brought up ways she was dropping hints to eveyone about her sitch, which i didnt see how could possibly be construed as clear communication. But I didnt say so. Shut up and validated.
I don't know why, but I think she seems to understand that I understand, or am starting to. Something in her demeanor made me think that.
I think maybe validation/mirroring helped because at one point she repeated to me "you had to know I was hurting." My mental reflex was defense: "I knew things weren't perfect but if I knew how much pain I obviously would have changed". Instead I said "you believe I knew you were heading toward the door because of your pain". She stopped and thought. Then said no.
She asked if I was keeping up w/bills, housework, etc., that she needed to see me doing that. I am thankful that she tells me more than many WAWs here seem to communicate.
She said she read that I am narcissistic and she is codependent. I agreed to first part as I took some quiz recently that said I was. Didnt want to agree she is codependent so just asked about meanings, etc.
She asked about kids, of course. I think my recent dealings with them help illustrate my efforts to change communication styles.
She brought up counseling, that she wants C to help with her anger. Asked if she's angry constantly, she said she gets over it. I told her she probably resents me as well. She said yes, that's the word she was looking for. I wish I could direct her to alturtle article on resentment, but didn't. Maybe soon.
Most of the 2.5 hrs were very pleasant, fun, punctuated by some intense periods.
Main thing she communicated to me was her anger/resentment is what's up w/her and she needs to figure out what to do with it in order to move forward. She's looking fwd to C to help with that.
Emotionally exhausted from guarding every reaction. Cant wait until good communication becomes a habit. Nap time.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
