Anyway, why the heck do these things not occur to me!!!!!! Jesus, you'd think... well, never mind.
Okay, now I need to go one step further with this. Last weekend, my H and I got into a very heated argument... the first one in many, many months. He said something at the time that really, really pissed me off, but on later reflection sent a chill down my spine.
He said to me that nothing has really changed re: sex, he's just not complaining anymore. And I told him, at the time, that if he really, truly believes that, and he wants to head back into that black pit we used to live in, he can have at it, but I'm not going back there with him.
Okay, so time passed and I got over being pissed. But still, he was trying to tell me something, and as is typical with him, he waits until he gets to boiling point and screams his feelings at me, which I then have a hard time honoring because he is screaming at me.
But beyond that. I have two things here I need to address. He feels that nothing has changed, and his rational for that is that he says that he does not have any say in when we have sex. I cannot, with my LD mind, process this.
There are so many times that he initiates sex that I really don't want to have sex. But because I know it is important to him, I make the mental and physical effort to not only have sex, but to enjoy it with him. But I certainly do not, after sex say, "well honey, in this instance you had all the say about us having sex because I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway, for you, because I love you."
I don't say that because it seems very cruel and disrespectful to say something like that to someone you love.
Yet, he gets mad at me and says he has no say in when we have sex.
Can someone please try and explain to my LD mind what this means? Nopkins, are you out there? Is he feeling the way you feel?
I really don't get this because I'm not opposed to trying new or different things, doing oral things, using toys... I probably could initiate more, but I don't think you all really understand how hard that is for an LD person... it's like trying to eat a 7 course meal when you aren't hungry.
Something is going on with him, and like a typical LDer, I'm probably missing the signals. Can you clue me in? Am I heading in the right direction with doing things outside of the bedroom?
