He's got to earn your trust and I don't think he's quite there yet...
See that again. But for the love of Pete, it's not something you want to laugh about when he's there
From my own personal experience, if you let him come back now, you'll see that it was too early. I can't highlight that enough.
He has to want to come back to the marriage. Not just "home" else he is not done from what I've seen.
As for you. I know how you feel, but I can tell you that having a one night stand will do nothing for you except bring regret (the next day). Seriously, the feelings are there, but if you step back you see they are about your ego and not much more. Let that go. It does nothing for you and keeps you on the roller coaster.
The thing is, your ego was bruised and wants to heal. But the counter-intuitive thing is the best course of action right now. Seriously. Set your ego aside. It has no valid use to you and there is no shame in standing for your marriage regardless of the circumstances. The only mistake you can make outside of an affair/one night stand (with anyone including your H) is to let him back too early or laugh in his face.
He is likely at a very critical junction right now. Step back and watch from a safe distance and be gentle but firm.
In private or on this board, let the sucker twist longer
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
[quote] As for you. I know how you feel, but I can tell you that having a one night stand will do nothing for you except bring regret (the next day). Seriously, the feelings are there, but if you step back you see they are about your ego and not much more. Let that go. It does nothing for you and keeps you on the roller coaster.
I hear ya but I miss making love and touching and kissing so much it's hard - actually I used to put my arm around my wife in the morning and bury my nose in the back of her hair - OMG I miss the smell of her hair and the feel of her skin -
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
I can understand that too. But that's not what's "needed" right now. Especially as a way to "get even" ya know?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
The post came across as wanting to have a one-night stand. I read that as a way to "get even" with the spouse for cheating.
I view a realtionship similar to a dance or a teeter-totter. One on one side and the other on the other side. When one moves, the other moves to maintain balance.
Often I've seen in relationships where we subconsciously try to "even" the balance. One cheats, so the other does as a way to get back at the other and restore "balance" in the relationship. Not always a conscious choice, but seems commonplace.
Make sense?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
