New to DB and Clearly Oblivious to My "Horrible" M

[NickB]

Adinva,

Thank you for taking time to catch up on my sitch and offer support and advice. I really appreciate it.

I was struck by a comment that she seemed to be finding you lacking in emotional response, and I wonder if that might be part of the distance that grew between you. If so, it may be important for you to start feeling your feelings more visibly instead of validating hers all the time. It's against db, where you're supposed to always seem positive and happy. But if part of the problem was that you were not emotionally connecting to her, I can see where continuing to be that way might not be the best thing to do.

This has been a hard part for me as I am confusing or conflicting the DB advice and what she may need. I know DB'ing ultimately says do what works, but experimenting with what works causes me set back sometimes and I feel somewhat frozen trying things with her. I take zero risks lately.

I think it's very hard for you to be in this situation and not be able to get from her exactly what it is you did wrong (if anything) and what you can do to fix it (if anything). The takeaway I've gotten from divorcebusting is to forget the spouse, and do your own digging. Figure out what you can do better to be a half of an intimate relationship, and get to work.

I agree with this and need to figure out how to better implement my continued improvement plans. I know I still focus on what I can do to fix the R inseated of just me. I need to break this code for myself somehow.