Searching, trying - still going, but how?

[labug]

kg, you're getting there, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[needgrace]

hi KG,

i wanted to say that i admire your love for your family. i love what you said about being there for your children at this time. it displays a strength that i am not sure you realize you possess... a strength that will get you through this with grace, growth and courage. (((((((((( )))))))))

[25yearsmlc]

KG

Sorry I sounded so pushy, I just felt he was bullying you but then I sort of piled on you too. I hope you save money by having all those other parties involved, but think if push comes to shove, you can hire your own child T to help your l, and trust yourself to put them first. Hard for me to believe 2 Ls would have cost more than 2Ls and those other para professionals. But you have other motives and I get that.

YOUR H, otoh, has to confront the reality that his suggestions and proposals were all consistently self serving. YOURS are not. You are giving something up by not going back to work and yet it's a trade off you are making b/c you learned something from this ordeal. You are getting less money and adult feedback but so be it. You are not a mother first...all else second.

Good for you. What will HE do differently next time?

Oh, nothing b/c she'e perfect and so is he...I forgot.


Well thank God YOU are doing YOUR work.

I agree that you must not wait and or hope that OW will lose her appeal. Your h is very invested in being "right" about her, b/c he did a crappy thing leaving a pregnant woman, period.

If he isn't DAMN HAPPY NOW, it'll mean he deeply hurt you and the kids for nothing. That can't be!

EVen if he's miserable as if today, let alone 2 years from now, you won't know it for years, if ever....

So you do what you are doing. You work on YOU and when you know that's what you are truly doing,

THEN

you leave the results up to God, and go in peace...

((( )))


(I look forward to meeting in real life)

[BklynMom]

25 loved what you said about how much the was has invested in proving that they are happy. I see my h "showing" me how happy he is now and it's pretty obvious that it's not really the case

[25yearsmlc]

KG meant to say you ARE NOW A MOTHER FIRST and all else second...

and Bklyn Mom, I totally believe that many WAS are So invested in being right.

The more guilt they feel OR the more they face the criticism of their families, the more they MUST BE HAPPIER now...or else....they were wrong.

And that can't happen.

My older sister's ex h left her for OW and it did not work out. So he met another OW and married her.

My sister also remarried. A few weeks before her new marriage, her ex h called her to say he realized HE had effed up and "gets it now", etc.

I told her to savor all that. Most LBSers never get to hear it.

BUT the thing is, til he told her that, she thought he was "Much happier" b/c htat is what he told everyone.

Now, years later he and his "new" wife are in counselling, again...and he told my sister, HIS ex wife

that "THIS marriage HAS to work...." or it'll mean HE's the problem...


my sister sighed. They have 3 kids. If only he had worked THIS hard on THAT marriage...but alas, he did not.

And in truth, my sister is happier with her "new" h of 11 years now, than she ever could have been with her first h.

Why? B/C her ex h would not have improved with her. He's a selfish man. He can only learn hard lessons the hardest way...and inflict pain on others. Even as he complained to her, it was all about HIM and what HE lost, not what he did to her or the kids.

Whereas Her new h gets her. He really treasures her. And she loves how it feels to finally be THE priority in someone else's life. She said "now that" she knows "what that's like", she'd "never go back to what she had with her first m".