The green green grass of home

[Soul.Searching]

Also last year at the rehearsal for D9's concert, I realised I forgot my phone. I spent the night anxious in case H was trying to call me. The rehearsal ended up going for a lot longer than I thought. He was in such a angry mood when I got home because I had forgotten my phone.
He also would wake me up, if I was sick and fell asleep. I wasn't allowed to sleep most of the times if I was sick.

What's wrong with me? Why am I struggling so badly when I know how he treated me? Why can't I just let go?