AJ, yes I treat H differently. But we should have an even MORE intimate R with each other than we have with anyone else. For example, he WANTS me to tell him if he has bad breath or hair growing out his ears. This is not something I would ever tell a friend, even a very close one. And I don't consider what he did regarding the loan a lie, but rather hypocritical in regards to his comment about his daughter. I realize that we're different. That's not the difficulty, but rather finding areas where we're the same. THAT's what makes R so difficult for me with him. I can't even imagine quite what it would look like. Friendly strangers rather than indifferent strangers?
I can't change him, so any suggestions you have for ME is always appreciated.
R-LA, you know I can sooo relate to your sitch. I can't tie in the backgrounds, though. H was not abandoned by his mother, he didn't have a dysfunctional upbringing, etc. But yours and mine sure look alot alike today. I've tried to call H on things in the past. Either I do it nice and he completely ignores me because I'm "really not serious" because I'm not screaming and yelling, or he goes immediately on the defensive. The control thing, too. My having a different opinion is somehow me trying to control him.
Part of me wishes that I could be more like my H. You know the saying, "Ignorance is bliss?" For example, his driving habits. He'll ride in the passing lane. Then the person who has been riding on his butt finally speeds around him on the right, flips him off and then cuts in front. H is completely oblivious to any of it. If I point it out, he's completely surprised. And unaffected. Oftentimes he doesn't even move out of the fast lane, or he will for just a few minutes and then goes back to it. He's not being a jerk, he just operates in his own little world, oblivious to how what he is doing affects anyone around him.
BTW, just a sidebar note from a WAS... H has been doing the "affirmation" thing suggested to LBS's. Frankly, I hate it. It sounds so patronizing. I'm only mentioning this because I know some LBS's have questioned whether it would come off that way. I guess it depends upon the delivery, but there's definitely the possibility of it not being well-received. For me, it's just too scripted. Like flowers on Valentine's day. Zero thought, zero meaning, zero investment.
