I want my marriage to work and the db counselor told me that distance and separation only breed more distance. ia m trying very hard to find a way back to new york that would be healthy for me and my marriage as well but having little luck anyone have success in this why apart. in different states?
My husbands main complaint about me was that i am not the same person i was when we feel in love who was successful and outgoing so i don't see how moving there and not finding work going broke is going to save my marriage i have opportunities where i am to be a professional again trying hard to find something in new york just no luck so far.
also it is not somewhere i would choose to be if he were not in the picture. any advice. yes. i know i have another topic thread by the way but wanted help with this particular question.
any advise would be really appreciated.
hope all is well and everyone manages to survive the holidays.
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
Funny Story, my therpist had an issue like your long distance relationship. He divorced his 1st wife moved away to another state to be with OW. Then 5 years later got remarried back to his 1st W.
So its possible....I haven't read your sitch but i would focus 1st on getting back to the person you used to be. Take care of yourself 1st and try to keep in communication if you want. To be honest without having a common thing to hold on to, a long distance relationship is going to be hard. My therapist had kids as their anchor.
I think you heard it already but focus on being the best you 1st and don't make any rash decisions by moving, quiting work, etc because your H is doing what he wants to do.
Imagine if you moved and couldn't find a job and your H still goes to the OW......It would be even harder on you.
I want my marriage to work and the db counselor told me that distance and separation only breed more distance.
Call a DB coach and see what they think. I think your C is mistaken, but I'm not an expert on this. I do know that the typical C approach is vastly different than DB'ing.
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so i don't see how moving there and not finding work going broke is going to save my marriage
Neither do I. Sounds more like pursuit behavior that would just drive H farther away.
thanks for the advice so far any more would be really appreciated.
I meant to say i have opportunities at home and in houston which i am actually trying to follow through on because his company has a office there which he could at least temporarily work out of.
i know it may sound desperate but i am trying to find a way to save this. I really think a lot of this is about ego not that he doesn't care. again maybe wishful thinking but he has back tracked on a number of occasions from saying he is 100% committed to a d
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
My W moved 1100 miles away in March of 2011. I tried to get a job in her locale to be closer to our children. Thankfully my job search didn't come to fruition, because I had no desire to move to New Mexico.
My W and I agreed to reconcile this past May and she moved back here in July. It does happen, but it does present a logistical challenge.
In my sitch, things changed when I completely detached and started living my life. It took me nearly 14 months to accept that my M/R was over. Like many people on here, my W said she was done and she wouldn't change her mind.
So do what is within your control and leave the rest up to God.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
thanks for the advice litb i am glad to hear your situation worked out
it makes me feel better when other people have long term separations and manage to get back together i feel in my heart if i follow through on some of the things i used to talk about we will work out
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
any tactics advise on contact that worked for anyone why long distance
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
how long do you guys let lapse between contact before you make the call?
m: 32 H:33 T:7 M:4
7/12 says he might want out 8/12 find out about ow he wants a D 9/12 he says he loves me not here wants me back 9/12 he pull away 11/12 still separated
