He does not want to be called on anything, and he only comments on people behind their backs.
We absolutely have this dynamic. H is very concerned with what people think of him, and any complaint is viewed as criticism. Forget constructive criticism. Once in a while he can accept that but not often. Any issue that I have is me exerting my need to control everything. That's how it goes in my house anyway.
So how do I deal with it? I have to just start calling him on stuff but in as constructive a way as possible, I guess. I am not going to let important things slide, such as "you need to be more respectful to me" - boundaries, in other words. But his sensitivity to complaints led me to keep stuff inside, which has eventually led to the mess we are in.
My H needs to develop a thicker skin I think. As I'm writing this, I realize that he usually surrounds himself with people who don't challenge him. I even put something in my own thread about how his family just accepts our sitch 100% without challenging. I don't see that as helpful help from a family.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
